Recently, we bid farewell to our beloved changing table that has served us well through three nurseries. As a bright-eyed couple excitedly left with it, my partner, Alex, took a moment to share a little nugget of truth with the soon-to-be dad. “Childbirth,” he confided, “is one of the grossest experiences ever.”
The guy’s face was a mix of horror and curiosity, and while Alex didn’t go into detail, I could think of plenty of examples…
- The Mucus Plug. Throughout my nine months of pregnancy, I tried to stay as dignified as possible, despite the nausea and the occasional constipation. Sure, I dealt with skin issues and gained a few extra pounds thanks to my unyielding Nutella obsession, but overall, I was doing okay. That is, until the day my mucus plug decided to make its grand exit. This grotesque, bloody mass that had been keeping my little one cozy was a clear indication that the real mess was just beginning.
- The Placenta. If someone had prepped me for the delivery of the placenta, I might have seriously considered scheduling a c-section instead. After what felt like a marathon of pushing, I was convinced I was finished. Nope! I still had to push out what felt like something straight out of a sci-fi movie. And then the nurse asked if I wanted to keep it. KEEP IT???
- The Poop. Childbirth feels strikingly similar to an epic bathroom emergency, and guess what? You might actually end up doing just that during labor. And the wild part? You truly won’t even care.
- The Episiotomy. You’d think nature would have a way of making everything stretch gracefully for childbirth, but alas, that’s not always the case. Some women may find themselves with a slice from the vagina to the back, all in the name of getting that baby out.
- The Baby. At long last, you finally meet your little miracle. But let’s be honest; that precious bundle of joy may look more like a scene from a horror flick initially. Covered in all sorts of goo and with a head shaped like a cone, it’s a sight to behold! But hey, the good news is they only get cuter from here, right? You can only hope!
For those looking for more insights, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re considering trying it at home, you can find a great authority on the subject right here.
In summary, childbirth is a wild ride filled with unexpected surprises—some of which aren’t exactly glamorous. From the mucus plug to the arrival of your baby, it’s an experience that’s both gross and miraculous in equal measure.