I made a big decision seven years ago that I often wish I could take back. Nowadays, when I chat with friends who are thinking about starting families later in life, I strongly advise them to keep their jobs after the baby arrives and not to rush into leaving their full-time positions. My own choice was made in haste, and I learned the hard way.
When my first child was born, I had a job I adored at a publishing house. The environment was supportive, and my role grew increasingly engaging. The years leading up to my child’s arrival were fantastic. My company was acquired, bringing more benefits, raises, and opportunities to travel. I often joked with my husband that I would work there until retirement. Little did I know, my plans were about to change.
We married and were living in NYC when I became pregnant just six weeks after we started trying. We moved to the suburbs shortly before our baby was born. After taking a few months off, the office relocated further away, and my whole world shifted. Suddenly, I was dealing with long commutes, pumping milk during meetings, and the stress of balancing my work life with motherhood. It was overwhelming, especially when my babysitter started to take on a motherly role, which left me feeling jealous and out of place.
Then came the infamous tri-state blackout. Just as I was leaving work, the lights went out. I found myself stuck in the city, pumping milk and crying for my three-month-old at home with a babysitter who was struggling to manage things without me. It was a wake-up call that my time as a working mom was limited.
Upon returning to work, my managers accommodated my needs by allowing me to split my time between the office and home. This was helpful, but I was constantly anxious about missing out on my daughter’s milestones. She learned to walk while I was at work, and my heart sank every time she called the babysitter “mommy” instead of me. My work performance dwindled as I juggled pumping sessions and conference calls, and I eventually decided to resign. Although it wasn’t a shock to my colleagues, I left with a heavy heart.
For the first six months post-resignation, I worked part-time for my previous company, which I realize now was a blessing. I missed my job, my coworkers, and the excitement of my career. Just a few weeks after leaving, I found out I was pregnant again, and soon I was navigating life with two little ones just 19 months apart. It was chaos; one child would sleep while the other woke up, and I quickly discovered that being a full-time stay-at-home mom wasn’t for me. It was a tough realization, and I felt a wave of depression wash over me.
During a trip to England, I met women with fulfilling part-time careers, and I became determined to find something similar back in the U.S. Luckily, a connection from my old job helped me land a part-time publishing position, which eventually led me to a consulting career. However, consulting often lacks stability, and I found that my skills weren’t always fully utilized. Despite this detour, I’m grateful for the time I had with my kids while still working part-time. I’ve been present for their ballet lessons, school events, and concerts, ensuring they never missed a beat.
Yet, I can’t help but wonder what might have happened if I had hired a different babysitter or taken more time to think through my decision to leave my job. Sometimes I question if my kids would have thrived just as much with me working full-time. The truth is, I’ve never been a fan of playgrounds or school drop-offs, and I’m not the kind of mom who bakes cookies with her kids. I’ve come to accept that I wasn’t meant to be a stay-at-home mom, even if it took me a while to realize it.
If you’re a new mom contemplating leaving your full-time job, I advise you to think it through. If you can work part-time in a role that mirrors full-time responsibilities, that could be a great option, but be sure to weigh your choices carefully. Finding balance is crucial, and it’s important to do what feels right for you. If you genuinely love your job before becoming a parent, stick it out; your employer will likely respect your work-life balance. You can manage both work and family life, and it will all come together.
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Summary
Reflecting on my early motherhood, I realize my decision to leave a fulfilling job after my first child was hasty. While I enjoyed being present for my kids, I often wonder if life would have been easier had I stayed employed. Balancing work and family is challenging, but it’s crucial to consider all your options before making life-altering choices.