It’s 3:30 AM, and sleep is a distant memory. I think I managed to catch a few z’s while hovering over the crib, my 6-month-old clutching my finger like it was a life preserver. At least he’s finally out for the night! I can’t help but chuckle at the irony—my firstborn was a dream sleeper, while my second? Well, let’s just say, payback has arrived. In the stillness of the night, my mind floods with reflections from my own childhood.
I recall grappling with intense anxiety as a kid, starting with the dreaded bedwetting. Sleep became a battleground; the fear of waking up soaked was crippling. And then came the mortifying trek to my parents’ room, where I’d gently poke them awake, hoping one of them would help me change my sheets. As if that wasn’t enough, my parents’ separation introduced a whole new level of emotional chaos.
Growing up, I was shy and sensitive—traits that followed me into adulthood and early marriage. It felt like my true self was locked away, silenced by insecurities. Just when I thought I had things under control, I became a parent. Suddenly, the swirling mix of fears about not messing this up was overwhelming. I often wish I could have a heart-to-heart with my younger self, sharing wisdom that could ease her burdens. And it makes me ponder the challenges my boys will face as they grow.
I’d love to picture them as strong, confident individuals, but let’s be real—life isn’t that straightforward. Every person I’ve met who seems to have it all together has their own backstory of struggles and triumphs. Initially, this thought makes me anxious for my boys. In the next room, one of them is wearing underwear to bed for the first time instead of a pull-up. I never realized I was struggling as a child; I was just navigating life as best I could. When challenges arose, we dealt with them and pushed forward.
And my kids are doing that right now, probably without even realizing it. I’m still on that journey too. Growth is about learning and evolving, whether it’s adjusting how we plant a garden or tackling life’s hurdles. So, I’m jotting down these thoughts for my boys, a little reminder that it’s perfectly okay to stumble sometimes.
Boys, I’m not sorry for my mistakes. I’ll only regret it if you can’t see that those little blunders might be what shape your own “perfect” selves.
“There are two types of perfect: The kind you can never attain, and the one achieved simply by being yourself.” – Mia Thompson