Updated: March 31, 2014
Originally Published: April 16, 2009
Last night, I received a rather intense message from someone I had recently un-followed on Twitter, asking why I made that decision. Her barrage of questions only confirmed my choice, but for her benefit (and yours), here are the types of accounts that will likely find themselves un-followed by me:
- The Constant Tweeters: You know the ones—tweeting every couple of minutes, flooding my feed so I can’t see what anyone else is saying. Do they even have jobs? Apparently, Jennifer Lawrence ditched her boyfriend for being glued to Twitter, and I totally get it. It’s exasperating!
- The Auto-Reply Enthusiasts: If you send me a generic “Thanks for the follow! Can’t wait to connect!” message, I’m hitting that un-follow button faster than you can say “engagement.” Personalize it or just let me be, please.
- The Sketchy Accounts: If you’re following thousands but have zero updates or followers, I’m not sure what you’re after, but it won’t be my thoughts. Blocked!
- The Self-Promoters: Sure, I’ll share my blog posts when they go live, but if your entire feed is just you hawking your latest venture, I’m tuning out.
- The Ghosts: If your last tweet was six months ago, why are we still connected? It’s nothing personal, but what’s the point of following someone who’s disappeared?
- The Overzealous Celebrities: Celebrities who can’t stop sending lovey-dovey tweets to each other? Fascinating in magazines, but on Twitter? A bit too relatable for comfort, and honestly, I find it annoying.
- The Follow-for-Follow Crowd: Ever followed someone back only to be un-followed immediately? That’s just rude. Consider yourself un-followed right back!
- The Self-Proclaimed Gurus: What makes you an expert? Because you have a blog and a Facebook page? Please. We can’t all be experts just because we own a device.
- The TMI Brigade: Twitter can be a bit narcissistic. Do we really think everyone cares about our skin issues or bathroom breaks? I think not.
- The Positivity Overload: Look, I get it—love life, smile more—but when every tweet is sunshine and rainbows, it could make anyone want to throw their computer out the window.
- The Bible Verse Posters: Yes, faith is important, but do we need a daily dose of scripture on Twitter? This isn’t a church service.
- The Follower Count Chasers: “Help me reach 1,000 followers!” What’s in it for me? Try tweeting something worthwhile instead, and see your numbers grow naturally.
- The Contest Fanatics: I get it, contests are fun, but if all you tweet about is giveaways, you’re probably not gaining any substance in your feed. A new laptop? Sure! A box of granola bars? Not so much.
If you fit into just one of these categories, I might still let you slide—especially if you bring something valuable to the table (or if you’re Brad Pitt). But add a second characteristic, and you’re outta here. I won’t lose any sleep over it. So thanks to that persistent person for giving me something to write about today! I’ll just go tweet about it, and you won’t even see it, because I blocked you.
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Summary: This light-hearted take on un-following on Twitter outlines the types of accounts that are likely to be removed from your feed. From constant tweeters and auto-reply enthusiasts to self-promoters and positivity overloads, the criteria for un-following are humorously laid out. The piece wraps up with links to further resources on home insemination, keeping readers engaged.