My partner, Alex, isn’t really into social media. He created a Facebook account because everyone seemed to be doing it, but he hardly ever checks it. Twitter? No clue. Instagram? What’s that? Meanwhile, I find myself scrolling through Facebook more than I probably should, intrigued by what everyone is cooking for dinner or the latest cute snapshots of their kids. I even enjoy watching the occasional online debate unfold. Admittedly, I might be a tad obsessed, but recent studies suggest that it’s mostly harmless.
Dr. Marcus Lane, a professor at the University of Oregon, conducted a study involving 1,300 couples to explore the dynamics of their relationships in relation to media usage. They asked couples various questions to gauge their marital happiness, such as how frequently they argued and their thoughts on divorce. Additionally, they recorded how much time each participant spent on social media, binge-watching TV, or immersed in video games.
The findings? Men who frequently used social media often reported feeling less satisfied in their marriages, and their wives tended to feel the same way. Interestingly, women’s social media habits didn’t significantly impact their marital satisfaction. One theory suggests that men who are discontent in their relationships might turn to Facebook for social support, while another posits that their online presence could irritate their wives, thus straining the relationship.
On the flip side, women are generally socialized to maintain larger friendship circles, so their time spent on social media might be more socially acceptable. Men, on the other hand, seeking comfort outside their marriages might be viewed less favorably, contributing to their feelings of loneliness. Dr. Lane also mentioned that men overly engaged in social media might be on the lookout for “alternative romantic partners,” a thought-provoking angle.
Heavy TV watching among men also correlated with lower marital satisfaction, while video game usage was only problematic if one partner was heavily engaged compared to the other, regardless of gender.
This all makes sense. Social media, especially with our constant access via smartphones, introduces external distractions into our relationships. If you spend too much time Facebook-stalking an ex or engaging in lengthy chats with acquaintances, it can detract from the quality time you could be spending with your spouse. I’ve found myself in situations where, after a long day, I’m tempted to let Alex eat dinner alone while I’m glued to my phone. It’s surprising how much mental effort it takes to disconnect and focus on the person in front of me.
Another habit I’ve realized I need to break is “phubbing”—ignoring Alex to check my phone. I didn’t even notice I was doing it until we were waiting for a concert to start, and I got lost in trying to post a photo on Facebook. After ten minutes, he kindly reminded me, “Can you put your phone away? We’re on a date.”
Unsurprisingly, this behavior has been studied as well. Research from a professor at Baylor University found that when one partner feels ignored in favor of a phone, it can lead to conflict in the relationship.
Despite the rise of new technology, the age-old rules of relationship engagement still apply. If you crave intimacy, focus on the person right there with you. That’s my new personal vow—right after I check in on this Facebook drama.
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In summary, social media can certainly impact marital happiness, particularly for men, while women often maintain their relationships more effectively through their online interactions. It’s vital to pay attention to the real-life connections that matter the most.