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The Final Year: Baking Cookies is Running Out of Time
by Linda Carter
Updated: July 29, 2023
Originally Published: Oct. 12, 2005
In this third piece of a yearlong series, a stay-at-home mom shares her emotions as her youngest daughter navigates her senior year of high school and the college admissions process. Alongside this journey, she reflects on her own path toward an empty nest and contemplates her next steps as her role as a stay-at-home mom comes to a close. If you missed the first two installments, be sure to check them out.
Three years ago, when my youngest daughter was gearing up for high school, I had a friend whose youngest was preparing to head off to college. “What’s it like?” I found myself asking repeatedly, a mix of jealousy, fear, and hope swirling within me. I simply couldn’t fathom a time when my youngest would leave for college. At just 14, she was just starting high school, and I had barely made it through the rollercoaster of my older daughter’s high school years. Even as my eldest was getting ready for college, I felt trapped in a time loop with my youngest, convinced that senior year was like a mirage that would never materialize.
“It’s hard to believe,” my friend replied, “and it’s going to feel strange.” With all three of her children off to college simultaneously, she and her husband would finally enjoy some peace and quiet in their home after 21 years.
As the months passed, I found myself signing our emails with both my name and the countdown until my younger daughter went off to college. “Three years, 18 months,” I remember typing in one email. Then, it became “two years, 11 months.” I wasn’t actively wishing the time away, yet part of me was. High school felt like a battlefield we had no choice but to navigate. By keeping track of the time, I wasn’t hoping for my daughter’s departure; rather, I was reminding myself that it would eventually happen.
Yesterday, I baked her cookies—her current favorite being red velvet. Baking is a cherished pastime of mine; it brings me so much joy and relaxation. My daughter relishes having cookies to pack in her lunches for her summer camp job and for our nightly tradition of sharing a treat in bed before sleep. It hit me while I was mixing the ingredients that my cookie-baking days for her are numbered. What will it be like when I’m no longer whipping up cookie batter twice a week or her beloved double-chocolate breakfast muffins at least once a week?
Sure, I could still send her cookies and muffins when she’s off at college. I can picture boxes brimming with goodies, a PO Box number scrawled in bold black marker, racing to the post office to ensure freshness upon arrival. She’ll share them with her roommate and friends, regaling them with tales of how her mom has always baked for her since childhood. With those delicious treats in tow, she’ll undoubtedly be the popular one—but let’s be honest, she’d be popular no matter what.
Yet, I know it won’t be the same, and that’s the lesson I’m learning in this final year of high school. Things are inevitably changing. I’ve always been a creature of habit; I thrive on consistency. I like knowing the menu at my favorite restaurant, the route I’ll take to get somewhere, and what to expect next. My daughter’s senior year is challenging my comfort zone with all this uncertainty.
She’s applying to ten schools—a well-rounded mix of targets, reaches, and safeties—and claims she’d be content at any of them. That’s the essential part: her happiness.
Next year, I could be shipping cookies across the country, or perhaps just one state away. There’s even a chance I might be close enough to drive those cookies straight to her dorm. I don’t know where she’ll end up, and not knowing drives me a little crazy. But I have to embrace that uncertainty for now because it’s a significant part of senior year—for both her and me.
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In summary, as I navigate my youngest daughter’s senior year, I’m learning how to embrace change and uncertainty while cherishing the small moments, like baking cookies. While it’s bittersweet to think about her leaving for college, I know our bond will remain strong, no matter where life takes her.