As I approach the big 5-0, I can’t help but reflect on the past year of holding tightly to 49. I thought maybe if I clung to it, time would slow down just a bit. Spoiler alert: it didn’t! I’m officially on the downhill slide now. But what I truly want to cherish are the moments spent celebrating with loved ones, the thrill of blowing out those candles, and the wishes that accompanied them.
More importantly, I want to capture the essence of my children as they are today. My eldest, now 21, is a college senior who has spent a semester exploring Europe. He’s grown so capable and independent, yet every now and then, he still sends me those sweet texts that remind me he’s still my little boy at heart.
Then there’s my 19-year-old daughter, who just wrapped up her first year at college. She’s not just smart; she’s downright hilarious. She still leans on me a bit, especially when it comes to packing up her dorm room for the summer.
And let’s not forget my youngest, 17, the last one still at home. He’s thriving, enjoying every moment with his siblings while navigating the ups and downs of junior year. His personality shines, and he’s still growing into himself.
But let’s be real—I might not remember every single precious moment. I mean, I can’t even recall exactly how my kids were when I turned 40, let alone 45. Memory is a tricky little thief, isn’t it? What sticks, and what fades? Why do some memories have such vivid clarity while others slip away like sand through my fingers?
For me, I’m more of a memory impressionist. Don’t ask me for dates or ages. When did my kids take their first steps? I’ll need to dig through their baby books for that one. Yet, there are experiences that hit me with stunning clarity, especially when triggered by a song, a scent, or even a dream. Sometimes a memory will wash over me like a wave, knocking me back to moments I thought were long gone.
This spring has been a whirlwind of activity, but amidst the chaos, I often find myself listening to music. Just the other day, a song transported me back to a family trip to Brittany years ago. Suddenly, I was back with my kids when they were 6, 4, and 2.
I can picture my husband gathering Polly Pockets from the airplane floor. I can see us tossing baguette crumbs to pigeons in the train station, climbing Montmartre, laughing at the lions in the palace zoo, and savoring grilled fish at a harbor café. Those moments are imprinted in my mind, and that song took me back there, if only for a fleeting moment.
Now I ponder what my kids remember about that trip. Did we make the right choice to travel so far when they were so little? It was an opportunity we couldn’t pass up, and luckily, it’s a memory I can revisit—a place where I can still feel like their mom of little ones.
We’ve had countless adventures and celebrations as a family of five, and I often wonder which memories have stuck in my kids’ minds. They might remember different aspects of our shared experiences, each colored by their perspective.
As a birthday surprise, my son created a playlist for me, and that nostalgic song from Brittany was included—one of many that connect us, despite the details being hazy.
As I step into this new chapter of life, I’m eager to continue creating memories with my family. While our adventures together may become less frequent, I know I can’t freeze time or memories. But I hope I’ve given my kids experiences that, when the right song plays, will whisk them back to those beautiful times when we were all together.
After all, those memories are like a life raft in the vast sea of time.
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Summary
As I approach my 50th birthday, I reflect on the memories I want to keep with my children as they grow and change. Each moment, from family trips to everyday interactions, holds meaning, even if the details fade over time. I aim to continue creating lasting memories, ensuring that our shared experiences connect us across the years.