Okay, I know the thought of discussing sex with your kids can make you squirm, but brace yourself—it’s even more critical now than it used to be. The landscape of teen sexuality has shifted dramatically, and our guidance is needed more than ever.
Sexting is the New Norm
You may have heard about it already—teens are all over their phones, texting and sharing on social media. This digital age brings not only fun but also a significant amount of pressure to engage in sexual exchanges through messages, photos, and videos. What’s even more concerning is that these interactions can leave behind a permanent, shareable record. Research from author Mia Johnson in her book Girls & Relationships: Navigating the Complex World of Teen Love reveals that the pressure to send nude photos often begins as early as middle school. Middle school! I mean, I couldn’t even find the courage to show off my awkward middle school self. Once a picture is sent, there’s no telling where it might end up!
Psychologist Emma Sanders, who penned Untangled: Understanding Teenage Girls, echoes these sentiments. She notes that while impulsivity has always been a teen trait, the barriers that once existed—like finding a camera, getting film, and developing photos—are gone. Today, it’s just a matter of a quick click, and boom, it’s online.
Pornography Is Ubiquitous
Gone are the days of sneaking peeks at hidden magazines or VHS tapes. Now, teens have instant access to pornography online. A study highlighted in Girls & Relationships finds that around 40% of kids aged 10 to 17 have stumbled upon porn online, and by college, a staggering 90% of guys and a third of women have viewed it in the past year. Regular porn consumption can deeply impact how teens view relationships, often leading to a perception of sex as merely physical and women as conquests.
More Than Just Adult Content
If you think today’s porn is similar to what you knew, think again. It’s evolving rapidly. A significant study found that over half of popular pornographic videos feature anal sex, often depicted as pain-free for women. In many cases, this is followed by oral sex—an alarming trend that’s desensitizing viewers to what constitutes healthy sexual behavior. And while boys may be more frequent viewers, many girls are also watching porn to figure out what sex should be.
Misunderstanding Pleasure
Both Emma and Mia have pointed out a concerning trend: many girls today are performing oral sex casually without considering their own pleasure. Sadly, there’s often a confusion between feeling attractive and experiencing genuine sexual satisfaction. For many, oral sex has become just another step in the dating dance, leading to a landscape where boys enjoy casual hookups while girls feel increasingly unfulfilled.
What Can We Do?
So, what’s the answer? Short of relocating your family to an uncharted island, the key is open dialogue. Both Emma and Mia suggest that we need to establish ongoing conversations with our kids, rather than relying on a single “talk.” Starting early can help kids feel comfortable discussing topics like puberty and anatomy, laying the groundwork for more complex discussions down the road.
We can engage with our children about how media sexualizes girls, question the messages in movies and TV shows that normalize casual sex, and discuss what their peers are experiencing. We should also talk openly about pornography and its unrealistic portrayal of sex.
Moreover, we should aim to emphasize the importance of mutual respect, consent, and pleasure in sexual relationships. Whatever values you hold—whether it’s sex in the context of love, commitment, or marriage—our collective goal is for our kids to have healthy and fulfilling sexual experiences.
So, let’s get talking—because the sooner we start, the better prepared they’ll be for the world out there.