My partner and I sat in our living room, struggling to remember the last time we had a proper date night. It was past 10 p.m., and thankfully, all three of our kids were finally asleep. That late hour seemed like the only time we could converse without interruptions about snacks, homework, or childish disputes.
I was slumped against the sofa, fighting off sleep after a long day. Sarah had her laptop open, scrolling through spreadsheets. Our home was in disarray, and with less than seven hours until we had to start the next day, I knew I should be sleeping. Yet, we needed to connect.
Despite sharing a home, responsibilities, and children, it felt like we hadn’t truly spoken in days.
“Was it last month?” she inquired.
“Yeah,” I replied, “I think we saw that new superhero movie.” I hesitated. “No, that can’t be right. That movie left theaters ages ago. Has it really been that long?”
We both paused, deep in thought, and then Sarah asked, “What happened to us?”
I had no answer.
We used to prioritize date nights, ensuring we spent time together at least once a month. But ever since Sarah returned to work, those outings became non-existent. Both of us are in education, which means our evenings are consumed with managing bedtime routines, grading papers, and handling endless emails. Our weekends are packed with soccer practice and more grading. With our youngest only 3 and too energetic, plus the older two too young to babysit, we found ourselves taking turns—one watching the kids while the other attempted to accomplish tasks.
While it’s commendable that we support each other, it often feels like we are merely colleagues managing the same household. We exchange information about what needs to be done during our brief moments together instead of nurturing our relationship.
This is the reality of being married with young kids. Numerous demands vie for our attention, and sadly, our relationship often takes a backseat to parenting and work obligations. We attempt to set aside time for each other, aiming for outings once a month or even weekly, but those plans frequently fall through. We lower our expectations, opting to binge-watch a show on Netflix together, snuggled up on the couch each night.
But then life throws a curveball—one child decides to protest bedtime, or one of us volunteers for a school event, and suddenly the only time we had for “us” evaporates. We convince ourselves it’s just a temporary phase, but before we know it, we’re sitting on the couch trying to remember the last time we had quality time together.
It feels like trying to balance a tub of water over our heads. It stays steady for a moment, but then life shifts, and we scramble to keep everything from spilling over. Just when we think we’ve got it all under control, something changes again. People say marriage requires regular maintenance, but few explain what that entails.
After nearly 13 years of marriage, I can say it involves staying up late to watch a show, even when exhaustion beckons. It means hiring a babysitter for a date night, even when funds are tight or time is scarce. It’s about picking up the phone during work hours to lend an ear to your partner, even when you’d rather not. It’s about prioritizing your relationship amidst the chaos of daily life.
“You know,” Sarah said, “Eventually, life will slow down. The kids will grow up, and it’ll just be the two of us.”
I nodded. “True, but after nearly 18 years of putting ‘us’ on the back burner, will there still be an ‘us’?”
Sarah didn’t need to respond; we both understood the implications. We’ve been married long enough to know what happens when you neglect your partnership for too long. Neither of us wants that outcome.
I pointed to her laptop. “Open Facebook,” I suggested.
“Why?” she asked.
“Let’s find a babysitter for Saturday night.”
“But it’s family movie night,” she protested.
“That can wait,” I replied. “It’s time for a date. Mom and Dad need a night out.”
We spent several minutes messaging every babysitter we knew, and soon we were eagerly planning our Saturday night, counting down the days until we could reconnect.
In the end, we must make time for our marriage now, amidst the chaos of our lives. If you’re looking for more insights on family-building options, this is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. Also, if you’re interested in tools for self-insemination, check out this authority on the topic.
Summary
Making time for your marriage is essential, especially when juggling the demands of parenting and work. Prioritize quality time together, even if it means staying up late or hiring a babysitter. Remember, neglecting your relationship can have lasting consequences.