The notion of wearing comfortable underwear is both thrilling and terrifying as I confront the realities of aging. While the thought of becoming a grandmother fills me with a mix of excitement and dread—who wants to think about meals on wheels just around the corner?—it perfectly embodies my feelings about getting older. It’s a blend of fear and exhilaration.
Some may argue that aging is devoid of excitement, but have you spent time with seniors lately? They are no longer pressured to volunteer for school committees, and they can stroll at their own pace without judgment. No one expects them to maintain pristine yards or whip up meals every night, and there’s absolutely no obligation to hit the gym or squeeze into a swimsuit. There are some pretty incredible perks to getting older.
Aging is fundamentally about mindset, and I am committed to becoming an extraordinary elder. Picture me in oversized hats, unapologetically expressing my opinions, and discussing topics that might not seem appropriate (like my lady parts) if it feels right. Embracing the freedom that comes with age is my goal, and I’m looking forward to it.
However, I also refuse to become a specific type of old woman. You know the one—the one who admonishes a young mother with comments like “Put a coat on that child!” or “Cherish every moment because it goes so fast” (both of which I’ve heard). Not me. I won’t be that kind of old lady.
Instead, I’ll share stories like, “Once, my toddler knocked over an entire display of movies in Target and then crashed his cart into an unsuspecting gentleman” or “I had a bathroom incident where my kids loudly questioned why I had so much hair down there, leaving everyone snickering as we exited.”
I won’t tell new moms to treasure every second. Instead, I’ll recommend that they grab a favorite treat at the store and indulge in it alone in the closet because, let’s face it, parenting is incredibly challenging, and they deserve a break. I’ll remind them that they are doing far better than they realize.
I promise to be the grandmother who buys groceries for a struggling young mom whose child is throwing a tantrum or the woman who offers assistance instead of criticism when a child is acting out. I’ll be the one who leans in and says, “Kids can be little monsters, can’t they?” when I see her on the verge of tears, or I’ll make silly faces at the cranky baby in the cart. Of course, I’ll let that young mom cut in line because I’m not really in a rush.
I’ll pay for a young mother’s dinner just because, without offering unsolicited advice on how to keep her wild children seated. Instead, I’ll have the server deliver her a little note saying how well her kids behaved, even if we both know they were mischief-makers at the table.
I’ll be the auntie on the block who always has candy ready for the kids and won’t scold them for playing in my yard. I’ll wear whatever I please and say what everyone is thinking—except I won’t comment on the young mom who hasn’t showered in days or has spit-up stains on her clothes. Instead, I’ll compliment her on her youthful style, even if we both know she looks exhausted.
If I know her well, I’ll offer to babysit while she runs errands or bring her soup if her kids are sick. I won’t point out that her children are running around without socks in winter or that their faces seem perpetually dirty. Instead, when I see a young mom looking frazzled or yelling at her toddler for running into traffic, I’ll smile and reassure her that she’s doing a fantastic job.
And I won’t utter the phrase “it goes so fast.” I know that would only add to her guilt when she’s already grappling with feelings of inadequacy, even though she’s doing an amazing job.
I’m making this promise now because I don’t want to forget how challenging those early years were—how isolating they can feel, and how I longed for support from those who have been there. I might even give her a hug and assure her that everything will be just fine. Because it will.
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, visit:
- Home Insemination Kit
- Make a Mom
- March of Dimes for pregnancy information.
Summary
In this piece, I reflect on the complexities of aging, embracing both the joys and challenges. I vow to support young mothers rather than criticize them, promising to be a nurturing and understanding presence in their lives. My commitment is to uplift and empower the next generation of moms with kindness and compassion, reminding them they are doing great even during tough times.