A few months back, I found myself wandering around a theme park with my partner, my siblings, and my brother-in-law. We were on a child-free vacation, reveling in the joy of rides, indulgent snacks, and playful banter with strangers. One evening, amidst the laughter, someone mentioned the concept of death. I chimed in, sharing that unsettling sensation when you’re simply going about your day, only to be jolted by the thought that one day, you will die. You know, that moment when your mind goes into a tailspin, as if death is reaching out to grasp you?
Is it just me?
Oh, great.
At least once a week—sometimes more frequently—I’m hit with the awareness of my own mortality. My heart races a little, as if it knows my fate is unavoidable. And then the realization strikes me: everyone I care about will also face the same end. A knot forms in my throat, my temperature rises, and I start to feel uneasy. It dawns on me that when all the people who knew me have passed, my existence might fade away too. The world is filled with cemeteries, where countless graves lie untouched, representing lives that have been forgotten, and that seems to be the ultimate fate for all of us.
This thought sends me into a mild panic until I can redirect my mind—often to a catchy song or something equally distracting. I mean, who could forget Beyoncé? She’ll be remembered for generations, while I’m left worrying about how my memory might vanish. Lucky her.
I’m not battling a chronic illness, nor do I have a reason to believe my end is imminent. Most of my family members live well into old age, often to the point where they can say whatever comes to mind without fear of reprimand. That’s comforting. Yet, I can’t help but become acutely aware of my mortality, especially in certain situations. Flying is one of them. The moment I board a plane, my seatbelt is fastened and stays that way until we touch down. A drink or two might help ease the nerves, but then I’d have to face the bathroom—a terrifying thought. What if the plane crashes while I’m in there? The image of plummeting 35,000 feet, with my unfortunate bathroom mishap, haunts me.
So, no cocktails for me on flights.
While the thought of death itself is daunting, it’s the uncertainty of what follows that truly triggers my anxiety. My husband, when we wrote our wills, seemed so composed about it all. He’s willing to donate his body to science, which sounds noble and practical. To my rational mind, that makes sense—helping others while conserving resources. But then my irrational side whispers that maybe I should donate my organs and have the rest of me cremated. My ashes could be scattered in a beautiful place, like a beach in Hawaii, or stored in an elegant urn on a family mantel.
But then the irrational thoughts spiral out of control. What if Hawaii is swallowed by rising sea levels? What if my family chooses an unattractive urn? In no time, I’m convinced that no one will ever visit my final resting place, and I’ll end up discarded, just another forgotten soul.
Suddenly, I’m thinking I should freeze my brain in a cryo locker and spend all my retirement savings on a lavish mausoleum. And of course, I need to win the lottery and stipulate in my will that any descendants receiving an inheritance must visit my grave weekly, forever. Maybe even a scandal with a politician to ensure I’m remembered in infamy—no press is bad press if it grants you a semblance of immortality.
Writing a will is a delightful endeavor, I highly recommend it. (Seriously, you should get one.)
I’ll likely grapple with the concept of death until my final moments—a rather sobering thought. But as I navigate this life, I can at least find some comfort in knowing I’ll be well-prepared if I live long enough.
If you’re interested in more insights about parenting and related topics, check out our other blog posts on this page. For more information on home insemination, you can also visit this resource. And if you want to learn more about pregnancy, this site is an excellent resource.
Summary
The author reflects on the unsettling realization of mortality and the anxiety that accompanies it. This includes thoughts on death, the legacy one leaves behind, and the process of writing a will. Amidst the fear, there’s a touch of humor and a reminder of the importance of being prepared.