“Just wait until you have children.”
This statement has always unsettled me, even now that I am a parent. Recently, while I was managing my daughter in a grocery store, another individual remarked, “Wait until you have two!” While it may seem innocent, a wave of questions surged through my mind. Why is there an assumption that I intend to have another child? What if I am attempting to conceive and facing challenges—how might your words affect me? Why does it feel like a competition over whose grocery store experience is the most hectic?
I simply smiled and returned to my shopping list, yet I reminded myself that “just wait until you…” is a phrase I will refrain from using with others. When I was single, people told me, “Just wait until you get married.” I frequently heard, “Wait until you have kids.” Even during my college years, older individuals often said, “Just wait until you’re out in the real world.”
Now that I am navigating adulthood, marriage, and motherhood, I still struggle to grasp the intent behind these statements. My life had significance and meaning during college, before marriage, and prior to becoming a parent. Life is distinctly different now, filled with more exhaustion and joy, but it retains its value and purpose.
We often find ourselves in a race to prove we are busier or more sleep-deprived than those around us, but the truth is we cannot possibly know the complete range of challenges others face. Life brings a myriad of difficulties—from demanding jobs and relationship troubles to infertility, illness, and countless other struggles.
I will not tell anyone, “wait until…” because such phrases diminish the importance of what someone is experiencing in the present. Instead, they diminish their worth as they are now, focusing solely on the potential hardships ahead. Sometimes, silence speaks louder. A warm, understanding smile that conveys, “I’ve been there, and you’re doing just fine” is often far more supportive.
For more insights on parenthood and fertility, check out this post on intracervical insemination. If you’re looking for an authority on at-home insemination, visit Make A Mom. Additionally, March of Dimes offers excellent resources for those considering fertility treatments and home insemination.
In summary, the phrase “just wait until you have kids” is often unhelpful and can diminish the experiences of others. A more empathetic approach is to acknowledge the current challenges that individuals face without making comparisons or assumptions about their future.