A few years back, my father expressed regret for being preoccupied during my childhood. “I’m really sorry for that,” he wrote. “I hope you knew how much I loved you.” Though he didn’t elaborate on his apology, I understood the sentiment.
However, there’s something more I recall vividly. For over ten years, I walked across campus to my father’s office every day after school. When I arrived, I would find him at his desk, surrounded by stacks of papers and books. The empty chair next to him, likely meant for a colleague, always felt like it was reserved for me.
He would look up with a smile, cap his black felt-tip pen, and that gesture signaled it was my time to share my day. Sometimes I would share a few highlights; other times, I would go on and on about something exciting or dramatic. My father would listen intently, nodding and occasionally chiming in, radiating the warmth that signaled my stories were the highlight of his day.
This was our routine from first grade through my high school graduation. I can’t recall a moment when he turned me away, even during demanding times like working on his dissertation or managing faculty disputes. Whenever I spoke, he was fully present.
While my father was not flawless—losing his temper and often overworking himself—he was always there to listen. Despite what critics may suggest about giving a child undivided attention leading to entitlement, I believe that having a parent who listens fosters a child who recognizes their voice matters in the world.
When you feel your voice is valued, it empowers you to speak up—whether it’s to assert your needs, resist peer pressure, or advocate for others. Thanks to my father, I learned to express myself instead of suffering in silence.
Now, as a parent to two wonderful daughters, I’m determined to pass on my father’s invaluable gift of listening. Over the past decade, I have adopted six effective practices to reinforce my children’s belief that their voices matter. These are simple actions that can easily transform into daily habits with a bit of time and intention. Here are six ways to empower your children:
- Pause and Engage: When your child speaks, stop what you’re doing and make eye contact. This shows that you value their thoughts, no matter how small. Establish a dedicated time for conversations, like bedtime or after school. For instance, my daughter requested “talk time” at night when she was three, a tradition we still uphold.
- Honor Their Words: Allow your children the time to articulate their thoughts, no matter how long it takes. Even if their opinions seem irrational or differ from yours, giving them the space to express themselves strengthens their ability to communicate.
- Encourage Self-Expression: Whenever possible, let your children speak for themselves. I remember during a parent-teacher conference, my daughter expressed her discomfort with a classmate on her own, showcasing her ability to articulate her feelings.
- Acknowledge Their Expertise: Celebrate your children’s skills and knowledge. For example, when my daughter helped me find my car in a mall parking lot, I dubbed her “The Parking Lot Expert,” which boosted her confidence.
- Respond with Care: When your child shares something troubling, take a moment to collect your thoughts before responding. A calm, appreciative reply can foster open communication and trust for future discussions.
- Listen with Intention: Your children will face challenges and they’ll need to decide whether to speak up or suffer in silence. Your attentive listening can make all the difference, reminding them that their voice is significant.
Parenting is undeniably challenging, filled with days of stress and turmoil. On those tough days, remember to avoid harsh self-judgment. Instead, focus on one essential task: listen.
In summary, the most crucial action we can take as parents today is to truly listen to our children. By doing so, we empower them to express themselves and navigate life’s challenges with confidence.
For additional insights on home insemination, check out more information in our other posts like this one on intracervical insemination. You can also explore expert guidance on artificial insemination kits at Make A Mom and further resources on pregnancy through the NHS.