I am a stay-at-home dad. It’s a statement I never imagined I would make, yet here I am. First off — I have a child?! And I’m not working? What on earth am I doing with my time?
To fill you in, my partner and I took a trip to the Dominican Republic for a brief getaway 13 months ago. After a handful of cocktails and a Zika scare, we became the weary yet joyful parents of a delightful 4-month-old daughter.
Having observed friends navigate parenthood over the past two decades, I felt somewhat prepared for the journey ahead. To bolster this confidence, we attended childbirth classes, CPR training, and basic baby care seminars. I might unintentionally hinder my child’s emotional or intellectual growth, but at least she’ll have a steady oxygen supply and a clean diaper.
With a due date of January 2, the final months of pregnancy coincided with the hectic holiday season. Life transformed into a constant whirl of anticipation and anxiety. The sense of urgency was palpable — no refunds, no time-outs, no do-overs. My baby surpassed the 6-pound mark in utero, revealing her adorable cheeks with each ultrasound.
Then, my employer presented an unexpected buyout opportunity. I was offered the chance to leave my position voluntarily in order to help reduce the company’s workforce, with compensation based on my tenure. The timing felt surreal yet fortuitous. After years of procrastination in my job search, this opportunity aligned perfectly with the arrival of my first child. I had to seize it; I would effectively be paid to be a stay-at-home dad during those early months of my daughter’s life.
Now, four months in, I can’t fathom handing her over to someone else. I am fortunate to have married someone who is exceptionally talented and earns well in her career. But could I genuinely transition into an unpaid stay-at-home dad?
The financial aspect isn’t my primary concern, at least not right now. The real issue lies in perception. I’d like to think I’ve evolved since my high school days when the opinions of other men mattered more to me. I believed I’d moved beyond that mindset. However, the weight of gender expectations continually lingers. Men work. Men provide.
Nevertheless, it’s 2023, and much of this stigma is self-imposed. My father and my father-in-law — traditional men in every sense — seem supportive. My male friends don’t seem to mind, although they occasionally tease me about my masculinity or whether they’re subsidizing my extended “vacation” (they aren’t).
Living in Brooklyn, I often encounter fellow stay-at-home dads. Just this week, I passed three others with strollers at CVS. We exchanged silent, mirthless nods, sharing a moment of camaraderie as we support each other against societal stereotypes.
Yet, I can’t shake the discomfort when an old shopkeeper asks if it’s my day off, or when someone apologizes upon learning I’m not employed anymore (it was my choice!). Or simply when anyone gives me “the look” at the mention of being a stay-at-home dad. Feeling defensive about my choices might be a sign of insecurity, but what’s the point?
After a day of caring for my daughter, when my partner returns home after a long day, I breathe a sigh of relief. I greet her with a kiss, crack open a beer, and step into the kitchen to prepare dinner (I enjoy cooking, okay?). Watching her reconnect with our daughter, while our dog happily joins us, I realize this is where I belong.
This is the most significant role I’ve ever undertaken. I always knew that on some level, but when my daughter wakes up with her toothless grin, there’s no doubt. I’ve moved beyond spreadsheets and budgets. I owe her a future free from my own baggage. How do I teach her to be fearless? To be kind? To disregard others’ opinions in the least abrasive way possible?
She is half of me, although she bears the misfortune of inheriting most of my looks. One day, she’ll carry a piece of me forward into the world. I am determined to raise a compassionate individual who contributes positively to society.
And for anyone who continues to question my choices or wonder how I spend my time, whether those voices are real or imagined: back off. I’ve got my hands full.
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Summary
Embracing the role of a stay-at-home dad comes with its own set of challenges and perceptions. While societal expectations may linger, the author finds fulfillment in nurturing his daughter and contributing to his family’s well-being. This journey goes beyond traditional gender roles, focusing on the importance of raising a compassionate and fearless child.