I’m unwell. Sleep eludes me completely. My partner enters the room to comfort me while our children, also under the weather, wreak havoc on a cherished family heirloom. “You should really get some rest,” he suggests. “You’ll feel better if you get some sleep.”
I shove his arm away and fling the covers to the floor. “Sleeping’s impossible. I can’t stop obsessing over those socks I ordered.”
He looks puzzled. “The socks?”
“Yes, the knee-high ones I got for the boys on Amazon. They trigger these waves of dread. And every time a lyric from Hamilton pops into my head, it sends another bolt of panic through me. This happens every five minutes.”
“But you love Hamilton!”
“It doesn’t have to be logical. I think I need a legally prescribed Xanax.”
Understanding Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
This is generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), commonly referred to as an anxiety disorder. GAD means you can stress over just about anything. Sometimes it’s social situations, sometimes it’s concerns about traffic fatalities, the worldwide spread of diseases, or the alarming decline of bee populations. Other times, it’s the mundane.
You might find yourself fretting, for no clear reason, about whether your car will start in the morning. It broke down two years ago, yet despite knowing you can call for roadside assistance if the kids accidentally left the minivan door ajar and drained the battery, the anxiety still lingers. Approaching the car sends a shiver through your hand. You hold your breath until the engine roars to life, the dashboard lights flicker on, the air conditioning kicks in, and the battery meter rises to a reassuring level. This is crucial, as you need to drive the kids to school. This ritual plays out every single morning.
The Fear of Social Situations
At times, you worry about being the first to arrive at a playdate at the park. Why? Because you’re aware that other moms will eventually show up. You don’t want to be late, so you leave early. But not so early that you can stop by Starbucks for a coffee, which would mean sitting alone for at least fifteen minutes until someone else arrives. What will your kids do without playmates? What will you do without other adults to talk to? You’d rather not scroll through your phone, but neither do you want to push them on the swings (let’s be honest, who actually enjoys that?).
Observing them play is fine, but what if someone dangerous appears and you’re left alone? You think you should’ve brought your dog. He’s a big, imposing dog, and you know he’d offer some protection. Intellectually, you understand that you’ll arrive at the park, let the kids dash out of the car, and end up scrolling through your phone for ten minutes until your mom friend arrives. Yet the thought of those solitary minutes is unbearable, and you can’t pinpoint why.
Worries About Parenting
You also worry about a myriad of things concerning your children. You fret about them having too many toys, fearing it might stifle their creativity. But if you decide to declutter, you dread the possibility that they might resent you forever. Isn’t it disrespectful to take away someone’s belongings? Then there’s the concern that they watch too much TV, which could also limit their imagination. You catch them engrossed in Ninjago instead of creating their own games, and you know a detox is in order, but mustering the energy to take action feels impossible. And they truly do need TV to unwind.
You also worry that your dogs are stealing their food too often, potentially turning them into cat people someday. You stress about them not playing outside enough, or that someone might notice their mismatched socks, the stains on their shirts, or that you forgot to wipe off the peanut butter and jelly from their faces. For someone living with GAD, children become adorable yet anxiety-inducing focal points.
The Dread of Household Chores
Then there’s the irrational fear of laundry baskets. They loom in your space—wherever you keep them, mine happen to be in the kitchen, and yes, I can feel the judgment. The overflowing baskets taunt me with their whiteness, and it takes me an entire day and a legally prescribed Klonopin just to tackle sorting them. When I finally do, I leave the clean clothes in front of the kids’ drawers because I simply don’t have the time to fold. I worry that others are judging me for this. Especially the babysitter—I feel compelled to joke about it: “I’m too busy doing art with the kids to fold laundry.” We’ve thrown one pot this week, and now I’m anxious that you’re looking down on me for fibbing to the babysitter.
The Anxiety of Hiring Help
The babysitter. Oh, the dread of having someone else watch your kids. You can’t understand the agony of hiring a babysitter unless you experience GAD. First, you panic that she’ll think your home is a disaster worthy of a call to child protective services. So you clean everything, especially the bathrooms, because boys tend to make a mess, and the kids’ rooms, littered with Legos. You find yourself begging her to ensure they clean up after themselves, recalling that one instance when they didn’t, and you returned home in tears. Then you leave, praying she’ll keep them away from the hose, won’t kidnap them, and knows how to perform the Heimlich maneuver if the baby chokes.
Finding Relief
Basically, living with GAD means being overly fearful about both rational concerns (like car accidents) and completely harmless situations (like laundry). Please don’t attempt to rationalize this—we’ll be frustrated, because if we could just switch off these feelings, we would. No amount of reasoning will convince us that laundry is just laundry or that the babysitter will be fine. We can’t simply talk our way out of it; we must experience it, one anxiety at a time.
Many of us find relief through prescription medications, therapy, and the comfort of a nonjudgmental hug. Though we may be terrified, it helps to have someone willing to share that space with us. You don’t have to fully understand; you just need to be present. And perhaps fold the laundry while you’re at it.
Additional Resources
For more insights on navigating anxiety and related topics, check out this resource on managing your well-being. If you’re looking for support in your journey, consider exploring fertility boosters for men, as they can be essential in your family planning process. Additionally, this site is an excellent resource for those interested in pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Living with generalized anxiety disorder involves constant worry about various aspects of life, from mundane tasks like laundry to more significant concerns regarding loved ones. The experience is marked by irrational fears and a persistent sense of dread, making it difficult to find peace. Support through therapy, medication, and understanding friends can make a difference.