Ah, the infamous chore chart: a once-promising tool that I swore I would never entertain again. Yet, here I am, staring at those energy-draining pieces of paper stuck to the fridge, mocking me with their smugness. “Let’s be clear, you little tyrants, we’ll never be allies.”
A couple of years ago, I decided to throw in the towel on chore charts. What was initially meant to teach my children about responsibility morphed into a test of my own patience. Honestly, I needed a chore chart for myself just to survive the whole ordeal.
First off, don’t lose your cool as you endlessly reiterate the expectations laid out in the chart—night after night. Try not to draw blood biting your tongue to avoid yelling at your kids about their chores for the umpteenth time. And definitely don’t reach for that bottle of wine while you’re trying to keep it together, explaining the rules once again. Seriously, don’t let yourself collapse in utter defeat, allowing your children to waltz over you just to slap a sticker on their chart for tasks they barely completed.
The whiny pleas, the empty promises, and a mountain of IOUs for tasks not even close to 80% done have become the norm. And let’s not even start on those darn stickers.
“Who put a sticker next to ‘Don’t put stickers on your chore chart without asking’? Take it off right now.” Of course, it doesn’t come off. No amount of rubbing or scraping can erase the evidence that a sticker ever existed there. What may look like an empty space to me is, in their eyes, an undeniable victory. “Yep, that’s where my sticker was. I’m amazing!”
My reluctance to revisit this path is fully justified by past experience. Yet, I figured everyone deserves a twentieth chance. My kids were genuinely excited for another go at it. One of them, Lucy, was eager to prove her sense of responsibility, while the other, Max, was just in it for the stickers.
You know the saying: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Not happening.” So, here’s the twist: no stickers this time! Instead, any recognition for completed tasks will be marked with a smiley face, drawn ever-so-gently with a number two erasable lead pencil.
Lucy deserves it; she’s been stepping up. Her chart fills up daily, and she even earns bonus smiley faces for going above and beyond. Max, on the other hand?
He enthusiastically sat beside me as we laid out his chores. “Pick up your toys without whining.” A bright “Yep, Mom!” “Do your homework without fussing.” “Okay, Mom!” “Eat dinner in less than 90 minutes without a battle.” “Fine.” “Brush your teeth longer than half a second.” “Whatever.” “Be nice to your sister.” “OMG, Mom! That’s too hard! This isn’t fair!”
A month in, and his chore chart is completely blank. In fact, I’ve tucked it away beneath a pile of clutter in the kitchen, collecting dust and awaiting its fate on recycling day.
“Do I get credit for recycling, Mom? Saving the planet is important, right?” Cue the frowny face in permanent marker.
In summary, chore charts may seem like a good idea for teaching kids responsibility, but they often lead to more stress for parents than progress for children. It’s a tedious cycle of unmet expectations and empty promises. But there’s always hope for a fresh start, and I suggested alternatives that might actually work.
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