I was having a conversation with a colleague, Jake, who is in his early 30s and recently became a father. He and his wife welcomed a little girl about six months ago, and he expressed concern about her reliance on a pacifier.
“She won’t sleep without one,” he said, clearly anxious. “I’m worried about buying too many because I heard it might make it harder to wean her off it later.”
We were in his cramped office, and he sat behind a desk that felt as snug as a too-small suit jacket. Jake is a big guy, a former Division 1 football player from LA—not the type to show fear easily. Yet, there he was, fretting that his daughter might end up as a lifelong binky user, as if that were a serious issue outside of some underground party scene.
I raised my hands and said, “Don’t stress about that stuff.”
His brow furrowed, and he looked at me as if I was suggesting he abandon all parental responsibilities. The expression on his face was universal among new parents, reflecting the anxiety of countless others who have spent too much time poring over parenting manuals. It’s that same look of desperation seen in aisles filled with nutritional labels, desperately searching for the most beneficial option for their child’s growth, while their little one is in the cart demanding fruit snacks. Seasoned parents watch from afar, knowing their child will likely reject that quinoa casserole in favor of mac and cheese.
But that’s the essence of parenting—it’s not about surrendering completely but rather about letting go of the trivial worries. You don’t have to micromanage every detail, like pacifiers and gourmet meals aimed at cultivating future scholars. If you try to control every aspect, you’ll drive yourself crazy. Kids chart their own course. Your role is just to help steer them in the right direction.
“Listen, man,” I said. “I’m a father of three, and I’ve been at this for a decade. My wife and I were anxious about the same things. All our kids loved their binkies. And you know what? They outgrew it.”
“What happened?” he asked, intrigued.
“Nothing major. It just wasn’t worth the constant struggle and anxiety over a piece of plastic. Embrace it! In fact, buy more. Stock up. It will simplify your life.”
“Want to know the secret to parenting?” I continued. “Here it is: mac and cheese. Don’t resist it. Just buy it in bulk. It’s all good. The same goes for those pacifiers.”
He didn’t look convinced. And honestly, I wouldn’t have been either.
When my wife and I had our first child, we often stressed over the smallest things. Eventually, we learned that some battles simply aren’t worth fighting. For instance, my toddler loves to kick off her shoes during car rides. I could get upset and try to secure them to her feet, but she’ll inevitably find a way to remove them anyway. So, I just let her ride in the cart without shoes. It’s no big deal.
What I’m getting at is that parenting is about choosing your battles wisely. This means buying extra pacifiers, carting your kid around without shoes, and sending your son to school with hair that looks like it survived a tornado. It’s all okay. Everything will turn out just fine.
If you’re a new parent reading this, remember: not everything deserves your stress. From my experience, what truly matters is spending quality time with your kids. Watch movies together, lie on the floor and let them crawl all over you, and when you get home from work, set down your bag and enjoy some snuggle time. That’s what counts.
Jake sat quietly for a moment, and the gravity of parenting seemed to settle in. But I totally understand where he’s coming from; the worries of a new parent are real.
“I mean it,” I said. “Just give her those pacifiers. Buy them in abundance. Have a stash in every room. Don’t fight it. Once she’s happily sucking on one in each hand, just savor those snuggles. That’s what truly matters. It’ll all be okay. When she’s ready to give them up, you’ll know—and within a few days, she’ll move on to the next phase. That’s just parenting. In the meantime, treasure those moments together.”
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Summary
Parenting involves making choices about what to stress over and what to let go. The importance lies in spending quality time with your children rather than obsessing over minor issues like pacifiers or food preferences. Embrace the journey, enjoy the cuddles, and remember that kids will grow out of phases naturally.