My daughter is about to turn 2 next month. When my son reached his second birthday, I was in the best shape of my life. I worked out regularly, sometimes twice a day, simply because it felt great and I enjoyed it. My diet was balanced, with a few indulgences here and there. Before having children, I never really embraced an active or healthy lifestyle.
After my son was born, I experienced cycles of dieting and exercising, managing to lose some of the 50 pounds I gained during my first pregnancy. Everything finally seemed to come together around the time he turned 18 months, and I began feeling like myself again.
On his second birthday, I took a pregnancy test, and to my surprise, I was already two weeks along. Initially, my husband and I planned to space our children two to three years apart. Once one was out of diapers, we intended to welcome another. But now, we’re eager for a third child, and I’ve decided to delay getting pregnant again for at least a year because I haven’t lost the weight from my second pregnancy.
In fact, I haven’t lost any of it.
Some might consider this superficial, and perhaps it is. Yet, it matters to me. I miss the way I looked and felt when my son was a toddler. Even after giving birth, I was happier with my body than I had ever been prior. Body positivity never came naturally to me, and I’ve struggled with my relationship with food—except during that period when my son was young, and I finally found a routine that worked for our family.
I don’t want to add more time and obstacles between myself and a goal that’s already been challenging to achieve. I gained 40 pounds during my last pregnancy. I’ve fluctuated in weight over the past two years, losing some and then regaining it multiple times. My main challenge is prioritizing self-care while managing a household and raising two kids. There is time in my day, and the potential to change my habits, but I’m often overwhelmed by errands, work responsibilities, chores, and family time. I frequently find myself at the bottom of my own to-do list.
This experience has been different for me. I was running regularly and eating well for a while, then an unfortunate fall down the stairs led to a painful hematoma on my hip, making even walking difficult. Running became impossible, and it took weeks before I could even do my own grocery shopping.
Subsequently, I began experiencing frequent migraines. Each time I would find my rhythm, a migraine would derail me for days, making it hard to maintain progress. This cycle of starting and stopping has been disheartening.
A lot of it boils down to energy. I’m often tired, but regular exercise typically boosts my energy levels—it’s a vicious cycle.
Food plays a significant role too. When stress and worry lead you to seek comfort in food, it can easily become a vice. I’ll have a tough day, reach for junk food, and promise myself to do better tomorrow. But tomorrow keeps getting postponed.
I refuse to get pregnant again until I shed this weight. And not until I can maintain that weight loss long enough to feel confident that I won’t revert to old habits. Currently, when I look in the mirror, I don’t recognize the person staring back at me. She seems sad and frustrated, and she isn’t taking action to change things. I don’t want to feel this unhappy in my own skin again, and I certainly don’t want to risk feeling even worse by getting pregnant now.
Both my husband and I desire another child. I’m ready in every other aspect of my life, so it’s incredibly frustrating that my weight is the barrier to something I genuinely want.
Prioritizing myself—making it a top priority—is challenging, but necessary. I’m gradually reestablishing a routine and being cautious on the stairs. I want to look in the mirror and recognize myself again. I’m eager to return to the journey of expanding our family, but for now, I need to focus on me.
For more insights on pregnancy and related topics, you can visit this excellent resource from the CDC. And if you’re exploring home insemination options, check out this blog post for additional guidance, as well as this authority on the subject.
Summary:
The author reflects on her struggles with weight after pregnancy and the decision to delay having a third child until she’s shed the baby weight. Despite her desire for another child, she prioritizes her health and self-image, navigating the challenges of motherhood and personal well-being.