I gently push open the door to my teenager’s sanctuary. The air inside is warm, tinged with the unmistakable aroma of a sleeping human. Sunlight seeps through the slightly drawn curtains, illuminating a disheveled mound that is my daughter, blissfully tucked under her covers. The likelihood of her emerging before noon is practically nonexistent. Thankfully, it’s Saturday.
Meanwhile, the rest of the household is alive with activity. My partner is crafting French toast, the pre-teen practices her guitar, and the kindergartner is busy constructing a foam block palace for her miniature Beanie Babies while anticipating her second breakfast. I’m whipping up muffins for the upcoming soccer match, scribbling a grocery list, and tackling the crossword puzzle.
Staying busy is the norm in our household. It seems that if you’re not engaged in some activity, you’re somehow falling behind. For many of us, especially mothers, downtime brings a wave of guilt.
However, this does not apply to the half-asleep American Teenager.
After sleeping deeply into the afternoon, my daughter may shuffle into the kitchen for pancakes, leftover brownies from last night, and a side of soy bacon. If I attempt to engage her in conversation, all I receive are one-word responses. Then it’s often back to her lair to snack on microwave popcorn while watching a movie on her laptop.
Her room resembles a disaster zone (though she seems to have a mental map of where everything is), and when I ask her to tidy up, walk the dog, or fold her laundry, she reacts as if I’ve requested a thorough scrubbing of the toilet with a toothbrush. In essence, she appears to be quite lazy when it comes to contributing to family chores, and there’s a valid explanation for this behavior.
It’s undeniably frustrating when I ask her to do something, and she either agrees but fails to follow through, pretends not to hear me, or outright complains about not wanting to do it. Look, kiddo, there’s a mountain of tasks I’d rather avoid but tackle anyway.
My life can be exhausting and stressful, but I’m an adult, and she’s a worn-out, 21st-century teenager. If I had to endure her schedule, I’d probably be lounging around in my worn pajamas, dodging all responsibilities other than eating and using the restroom.
This girl spends seven hours a day in school, practices sports for three hours each afternoon—longer if there’s a game—then dedicates about two hours each night to homework. Somehow, she also manages a social life, primarily online but also face-to-face. Add in brief family time, and it’s no surprise she’s drained by the weekend.
It’s not just the relentless schedules that make teenagers seem lethargic during their free time; there’s actual science behind it. According to Dr. Frances E. Jensen in her book, adolescents are naturally “owls,” meaning their biological clocks grant them a second wind around the time adults typically wind down. This is because melatonin, the hormone that regulates sleep, is released approximately two hours later in teenagers than it is in adults.
I can’t count how many times I’ve heard my daughter moving around her room while I’m drifting off to sleep. Unfortunately for her, she has to wake up early for school, which means she’s often in a constant state of sleep deprivation. A study by the National Sleep Foundation reveals that 76% of high school students in the United States get less than the recommended nine hours of sleep on weeknights.
Sleep deprivation isn’t the only factor contributing to the zombie-like demeanor of teens. Scientists once believed that brain development halted around puberty, but now we understand that children experience another growth spurt from ages 11 or 12 throughout their teenage years. This growth spurt creates an abundance of synapses, the crucial connections that transmit nerve impulses.
Teens actually require more sleep to support their brain development, consolidate learning, and prune away unused synapses. If they don’t get enough rest during the week, their bodies will make up for it over the weekend. What appears to be laziness is often genuine exhaustion, coupled with essential brain and body maturation.
While science doesn’t always absolve my daughter’s behavior, it does clarify why she can be irritable at times and reluctant to engage during the weekends. I hail from a generation that prizes busyness and equates long to-do lists with importance.
As I grow older, I realize how exhausting and irrational this mindset can be. Who says adults can’t benefit from more rest and leisure time too? Michael Lewis, the acclaimed author of books like Moneyball and The Big Short, suggests that doing absolutely nothing might be the secret to success. Ironically, my daughter seems to have figured this out at the young age of 14 while I’m still buzzing around like a cat on a sugar rush. I can only hope that an all-day Netflix binge is in my near future.
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In summary, embracing the reality of a laid-back teenager doesn’t come without its challenges. Understanding the science behind their behavior can help parents navigate this phase with empathy. It’s essential to recognize that rest and downtime are just as vital for teens as they are for adults.