Late one night, I heard my partner’s anxious voice, barely cutting through the cries of our little one. “Is she okay? Can’t you do something?” My heart sank as I recognized the all-too-familiar sound of distress coming from my 16-month-old daughter, who had been battling a persistent cold. My instincts screamed that it was an ear infection.
My partner, a dedicated dad who takes charge of bath time, was understandably worried. However, his questions only amplified my anxiety. “You’re sure she’s alright?” he pressed. I tried to silence both his voice and my own spiraling doubts, but his urgency pierced through, “Please, call the doctor!” That’s when I lost it. “Just go to bed! I’ll handle it,” I snapped, frustration bubbling to the surface. Yes, I can get a bit feisty during late-night crises.
Having navigated the chaotic waters of motherhood for nearly a decade with four kids, I knew the routine well. Unless it was an emergency, I had to wait until morning for the pediatrician. I positioned myself comfortably, cradling my daughter against my chest. With her ear resting close to my heart, we managed to catch a few precious hours of sleep.
Morning arrived with the comforting scent of freshly brewed coffee. My partner, a tea drinker, had made this gesture, signaling that my outburst was forgiven. Energized by caffeine and love, I prepared our three older children for school before taking my little one to the doctor.
After examining her, the pediatrician confirmed my fear: “She has a perforated eardrum.” Panic surged through me. “We’ve dealt with many ear infections, but not this,” I replied, guilt flooding my thoughts. “I should have brought her in sooner, but she didn’t have a fever until yesterday…”
“A lot of parents feel the ‘should’ve, could’ve’ guilt, but she’ll be fine,” my pediatrician reassured me. “This sounds worse than it is. I’ll prescribe antibiotics and ear drops. Just bring her back in two weeks.” Her words were a balm for my anxieties, reminding me that I could handle this.
This doctor, a fellow mother with children similar in age to mine, has always been a source of encouragement. When I’ve shared my parenting struggles, she’s reciprocated with her own tales of vulnerability. On that day, I expressed what I had learned through our conversations: “Motherhood is a balance of determination and letting go. It’s challenging to know when to fight and when to yield.” She nodded, her eyes glistening, as if we were momentarily united in our shared experiences.
Reflecting on my own journey, I recalled a time spent in an ICU, tending to my son after a severe burn. Despite my fears about my abilities as a mother, she had highlighted my unwavering love and commitment to his healing. In her eyes, simply being present with him made me a good enough mom, even amid his suffering.
The pressure to achieve perfection in parenting often leaves us feeling like failures when we stumble. However, love has been my anchor during those tumultuous times, including the night I learned of my son’s injury. It was love that kept me grounded through his surgeries and pain, and it was love that I turned to when faced with my daughter’s eardrum issue.
Back at home, still in my pajamas, I noticed the remnants of my daughter’s illness. Instead of dwelling on my perceived shortcomings, I chose self-kindness and took a hot shower—a reminder that guilt doesn’t solve problems. My son, who has survived his own trials, offered a poignant moment when he gently held his little sister, embodying the compassion we strive to cultivate in our family.
Choosing forgiveness over regret allows us to transform our experiences, even when we stumble. Embracing imperfection, I’ve learned that showing up with love applies not only to my children but to myself as well. Love empowers me to be the mom they need.
At the end of the day, showing up with love is what truly matters. We can do this—together.
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Summary
In this reflective piece, Jamie Carter shares the ups and downs of motherhood, emphasizing that love is the cornerstone of effective parenting. Through personal anecdotes and insights, she highlights the importance of self-forgiveness and compassion, both for oneself and for children. Whether facing late-night crises or navigating the complexities of parenting, the key takeaway is that showing up with love makes us good enough.