Let me clarify from the outset: it’s not entirely his fault. My son has always had his sister, who is just a year younger, as a constant companion. He has no experience being without someone to engage with, whether it’s running around, pretending, or getting into minor trouble together. While I understand his struggle, I can’t help but notice that his sister, who has always had him around, can easily entertain herself with her dolls for hours without any need for prompting. If she can manage to play alone, why can’t he? Yet, here we are, and I find myself questioning why he won’t and can’t entertain himself.
One of the most challenging aspects of this situation is hearing his sad little voice say, “No one will play with me.” Those words pierce my heart, instantly triggering a wave of guilt. I don’t want to feel that way, especially when I have valid reasons for not being able to join him: household chores, work commitments, phone calls, dinner preparations, and even searching for my misplaced sanity. Yet, when my beloved son looks so forlorn and is merely asking for someone to play with, the weight of mom guilt becomes almost unbearable.
I’ve attempted to introduce activities that foster independence: coloring, Play-Doh, puzzles, cars, and building blocks. He enjoys these activities but, after a few minutes, inevitably asks, “Mom, will you play with me?” and when I reply, “Not right now, sweetheart,” he isn’t easily appeased. He doesn’t understand that sometimes I need a moment to breathe or that playing alone can be just as fun, free from the need to share or take turns.
This is a tough reality for him, and it’s incredibly exhausting for me. I do my best to engage with him as much as possible. I participate in his endless stuffed-animal dialogues, roll balls back and forth, and join him for imaginative adventures in his blanket fort. I do this out of love, and because he actively seeks my attention. Even after nearly five years of motherhood, I still find it challenging to decline my child’s requests for my presence, even when there are pressing matters I should attend to.
I want him to know he is loved, interesting, and enjoyable to be around, so I dedicate time to play with him. However, it’s equally important for him to learn how to enjoy his own company—to explore his thoughts, engage in activities by himself, and discover the joy of independence. Yet, teaching a toddler to appreciate solitude isn’t a simple feat. After all, how do you foster a sense of enjoyment in being alone when they’ve always had a playmate? When all they crave is companionship, how do you help them find peace in solitude?
I recognize that he needs to develop the skill of independent play. I can’t always drop everything to join him in a make-believe sword fight. I understand that his sister needs her space, and I can’t compel her to play with him. But how do I overcome the guilt of telling my child that I’m too busy to engage with him? I haven’t discovered the balance yet, and I hope to find it soon because, honestly, I’m not sure how much longer I can endure playing with these blocks.
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As I continue this journey of motherhood, I strive to provide a nurturing environment while also encouraging my son to embrace the art of playing alone.
Summary
This article discusses the difficulties of raising a child who struggles with independent play. It highlights the author’s feelings of guilt when unable to engage with her son and the challenges of teaching him to enjoy solitude. The piece ultimately reflects the balance between providing love and attention while encouraging independence.