As the clock strikes 6 p.m., my home resembles a chaotic playroom, brimming with toys. My 4-year-old has taken full advantage of the day, scattering superhero figures, unpacking his magic set, playing an impromptu game of “52 pick-up” with a deck of cards, and dumping art supplies all over the kitchen floor.
Despite his energetic antics for the past 45 minutes, the moment I ask him to clean up, he dramatically collapses onto the floor, lamenting, “Mommy, I’ve never been this tired in my whole entire wife!” Of course, he means “life,” and while his cuteness almost tempts me to tidy up for him, I resist. I have been there before.
I completely spoiled his older brother, Jake, now 9. Thankfully, he has grown up relatively well-adjusted and (most of the time) not like a spoiled brat. But that’s partly because I’ve had to be firmer with him over the years.
With a five-year age difference between my boys, I had the luxury of pouring all my attention into my first son. Although I didn’t cater to him hand and foot, I let him get away with far too much. For example, if we found ourselves in a similar predicament as today, I might have pleaded for his help to clean up. When he resisted—being the more stubborn child—I’d often settle for a lazy compromise like, “Alright, just pick up three toys and I’ll take care of the rest.”
To be honest, I often found it simpler and faster to do the chores myself rather than struggle with a slow 5-year-old. I made countless excuses for him, thinking, “Maybe he’s too young for this responsibility.” Other times, my own exhaustion led me to give in, yearning for a clean space and some quiet.
I mistakenly believed that over time, he would naturally take on responsibilities without my constant reminders, and that he’d desire an organized home just as I did. I was wrong. A few years ago, I began the tough journey of instilling in him the understanding that contributing to our household is not optional. It’s a responsibility that comes with being part of our family.
This transition was challenging for both of us, filled with protests and breakdowns as we unraveled years of poor habits. Thankfully, we’ve emerged on the other side. I bear the weight of my early leniency, and I was determined not to make the same missteps with my younger son.
From the moment he could grasp simple instructions, I set clear expectations for him. I made him carry his sticky napkin to the trash, open the lid, and dispose of it himself. While I occasionally assisted with his toys when he was very young, he was expected to do most of the cleaning. “I’m tired” was not an acceptable excuse.
I’ve faced my share of resistance; I’ve endured him crying in frustration while attempting to argue why he simply cannot pick up his train tracks. However, I’ve remained steadfast.
With multiple kids, there’s simply no time to clean up after them constantly. Second children—and especially those who come after—must learn to pitch in. But even for those with just one child, I urge you not to fall into the trap of complacency regarding chores.
Children need flexibility, but they should also be assigned tasks that are age-appropriate. Every family has different standards; while I refuse to let LEGOs clutter my living room for long, I’m less concerned about a few dirty dishes in the sink.
Regardless of your approach, avoid making excuses. Resist the easy route. It may seem simpler to let them slide, but consider the type of adults you want your children to become. I aspire for my sons to be responsible men and partners, capable of cooking in the kitchen, taking out the trash without being asked, and not leaving their dirty socks scattered across the bathroom floor.
It can feel much easier to give in or take care of everything yourself, but that risks raising a generation of entitled, spoiled children. So let’s commit to avoiding that outcome, shall we?
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In summary, it’s essential to set boundaries and instill a sense of responsibility in your children from an early age. While it may be tempting to give in to their cries or to do things for them, fostering independence and accountability will ultimately benefit them as they grow.