“How much longer is she going to keep that up?” someone asked about my 2-year-old, who was still happily breastfeeding. “Isn’t she a bit too old for that?”
Actually, no, but I appreciate your input.
“She still hasn’t mastered the potty, huh?” another person commented about my just-turned-3-year-old. “Isn’t she getting a tad old for diapers?”
Nope, but thanks for your concern.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard people question whether a child is too old for various things—bottles, pacifiers, strollers, you name it. Even elementary school kids who cling to their beloved blankies get scrutinized. Random folks tsk-tsk at the 3-year-old struggling with potty training. And let’s not forget the annual grumbles about teenagers who dare to go trick-or-treating while decked out in costumes.
Did I somehow miss the memo that there are age limits on everything?
It seems we have this strange idea that as kids grow, there should be a cutoff age for certain behaviors. We fret that allowing our kids to continue certain things might stunt their growth or that we’re somehow failing as parents if they do something we deem “too old.”
Sure, a few parents might hold their children back for questionable reasons, and there are definitely habits we should guide kids away from at some point. But here’s the key: Those limits shouldn’t be dictated by nosy neighbors or random strangers.
There’s a lot we can’t see from the outside. The teenager who can’t part with her stuffed animal might be battling anxiety. The bigger kid in the grocery cart may just look older than he is. The tween still believing in Santa could simply be a lover of fantasy. The 8-year-old still sleeping in her parents’ room might come from a background where that’s the norm.
Sometimes, it’s just about different priorities. My youngest child is now 7, and I rarely carry him anymore since he’s getting big. But I used to carry all three of my kids when their little legs got tired until I couldn’t anymore. Some might view that as coddling, but I see it as compassion. If I could carry my husband or my mom when they’re tired, I totally would!
None of us have the right to judge what’s best for another child or family. If I see a kid who seems “too old” for something, I remind myself that others have likely felt the same about my kids without knowing the full story. Every family is unique, and unless there’s a genuine health or safety concern, it’s not really my place to have an opinion—or voice it—without being invited to do so.
If you come across a child who seems to have outgrown something, consider these questions: Is this child actually being harmed? Are there aspects of their life I don’t understand? Is this really my business? And why does it bother me so much?
Kids develop at their own paces, and they will eventually outgrow nearly everything. Unless you’re a trained psychologist with a deep understanding of a child’s personal circumstances, there’s no reason to judge whether a kid is too old for anything.
You do you, and let other families take their journeys at their own speed.
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In summary, let’s stop worrying about arbitrary age limits on childhood behaviors. Each child and family is different, and it’s not our place to judge their choices. Embrace the differences and let kids be kids at their own pace.