“I adore my children. Naturally, I do.” This isn’t a statement meant to persuade you or even me; perhaps adding “naturally” gives away just how much I might need to justify my feelings. Let me clarify: “I adore my kids. Naturally, I do. But…”
But I also genuinely relish the moments I spend away from them. It brings me immense joy. There, I’ve put it out there, and it’s a candid truth.
During their younger years, my absolute favorite time of day was bedtime. I know many parents feel the same, but I daresay I savored it even more. Bedtime signified my liberation. It allowed me a chance to reclaim a piece of myself, even if just for a fleeting moment. I could indulge in reading, organizing, or simply enjoying my solitude. There were no little ones tugging at my sleeves, no incessant whining, no bickering, no entertaining, no feeding, and definitely no homework supervision. Just me having a mini-vacation from the relentless demands of motherhood.
The ritual of tucking them in was always followed by a celebratory dance down the hall once their doors were shut and lights turned off. My arms would rise in triumphant joy, a victory dance of sorts.
I’m convinced this is why many mothers find solace in becoming both late-night owls and avid wine enthusiasts. We crave that precious time to breathe and to step away from our roles as mothers.
The school bus was a sight that brought a rush of relief. Watching my kids board that bus and drive away filled me with an unmatched sense of happiness. Even if my next task was cleaning or cooking, at least I could do it uninterrupted for a good stretch of time. I could plop down on the couch with a bowl of buttered noodles, catching up on my shows without a hint of judgment. My home transformed into a sanctuary of peace.
Then there were playdates—a little miracle in my busy life. When my kids were off at a friend’s house, it felt like magic had descended. I always reciprocated, of course; I wasn’t the type of parent who dropped her kids off without returning the favor. But when they hopped out of my car and into someone else’s home, it was as if the heavens opened, showering me with butterflies and unicorns.
In those hours, I was freed from the responsibility of shaping their futures. The relief I felt when my kids were away was palpable. Without them around, I couldn’t possibly mess them up. I was free to express my true feelings without concern, free to be me without the pressures of motherhood.
Even now that my children are older, nothing has changed. I still appreciate when they have plans and are out of the house. I enjoy the distance; I can worry about them from afar rather than up close.
I’m aware this may sound overly candid, but it’s the truth, and there’s power in honesty. Let me clarify: I often lay awake at night thinking about them. My love for them is fierce and unconditional, and I cherish our time together. Their happiness deeply affects me; if they’re upset, I feel that sting too. Should they face troubles, guess who’s rushing out the door, half asleep and dressed in pajamas, to rescue them? I’m always there for them—decorating for holidays, cooking delicious meals, and even preparing care packages filled with essentials and heartfelt notes.
However, I also relish the moments when I’m not needed. I genuinely love having that space. And I don’t see anything wrong with these feelings. I’ve earned my time away from the demands of motherhood. I’ve raised responsible, independent adults who no longer require my constant guidance. They can navigate their lives, and I can enjoy mine; it’s a delightful arrangement.
Furthermore, they know that even when I’m ensconced on the couch with a bowl of buttered noodles, I’m still available whenever they need me.
For more insights and engaging content, feel free to check out this post about the intricacies of parenting on this blog. If you’re interested in additional resources on pregnancy, visit Healthline. And if you’re looking for expert information on at-home insemination kits, Cryobaby is a great authority on the subject.
In summary, while my love for my children is unwavering, I find immense value in my moments of solitude away from motherhood. These breaks are essential for my renewal and well-being, allowing me to return to my kids with a refreshed spirit.