The stockings are in place, the tree is sparkling with decorations, and the sweet scent of cookies wafts through the air. It’s that time of year again—the holiday season has officially arrived. But for parents who are mourning the loss of a child, this season can be particularly challenging.
I’ve always cherished the holidays. As a child, I could hardly wait for December to roll around, eager to share the cherished family traditions I grew up with. In 2015, I envisioned a perfect Christmas, filled with joy and chaos as I anticipated welcoming triplets. However, life had other plans. My babies arrived four months early, and instead of celebrating with three little ones, I faced the bittersweet reality of having one precious survivor, Mia, while my other two, Jake and Lily, were no longer with us.
The months leading up to that first Christmas felt like a whirlwind. Mia came home from the hospital needing an oxygen tank, and my days were filled with a flurry of doctor visits. Just as I began to adjust to summer, winter suddenly crept in, bringing with it an overwhelming wave of grief.
Losing a child is a heart-wrenching experience, and the sadness can hit unexpectedly. As my partner and I hung ornaments on the tree, I found myself in tears, especially when I placed an ornament that read “Baby’s First Christmas.” The reality of missing Jake and Lily hit me hard; I should have been creating memories with them, yet instead, I was left with only one child to celebrate with.
Christmas day itself was filled with joy as we celebrated Mia, but there remained an undeniable emptiness. The first holidays and anniversaries can be incredibly painful for parents who have suffered such a loss. Joyous moments can often amplify the darkness of grief.
While I wish I could say that time makes it easier, my second Christmas without Jake and Lily was almost as tough as the first. Mia was growing stronger, which should have filled me with happiness, but as I watched her marvel at the festive decorations, I felt the weight of her siblings’ absence. A wave of guilt washed over me—if only I could have done more to save them. Within just a couple of months after their birth, Mia became our only living child.
Yet as the years passed, life gradually transformed for the better. I stopped fixating on what might have been and learned to let go of the guilt that lingered. While the grief remains, it evolves over time. Now at four years old, Mia is fully immersed in the joy of the season—dancing to holiday tunes and shaking every present under the tree, trying to guess what’s inside.
I’ve found ways to honor my lost children while navigating life after loss. Our Christmas tree is adorned with Mia’s creations alongside cherished mementos for Jake and Lily. The holidays have become a time of reflection and gratitude, a moment to appreciate the beauty in life while remembering my two angels. As I hang three tiny booties on the tree, I feel a swell of emotion. Though Jake and Lily are not physically present, my love for them persists.
As you dive into the holiday spirit, take a moment to think of the parents whose hearts ache during this season. For some, the holidays are spent visiting the graves of their children instead of sharing laughter and joy. It’s a tradition no one anticipates, but for many, it’s the only way to feel close to their little ones.
This Christmas will undoubtedly be bittersweet—filled with joyful moments intertwined with tears. Even though Mia is separated from her siblings by life and death, I know they will be with us in spirit. After a day of indulgence and excitement, I’ll tuck Mia into bed, reminding her of how special she is. As I kiss her goodnight, I’ll look up at the stars and whisper, “Merry Christmas, Jake and Lily. I love you.”
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Summary
The holiday season can be a challenging time for grieving parents, filled with both joy and sorrow. While navigating life after loss, it’s important to honor memories and embrace the love that remains. Acknowledging the bittersweet nature of the season can bring comfort and reflection.