“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” – Barbara de Angelis
Recently, my partner, Chris, and I enjoyed a delightful weekend away without the kids. We rocked out at a concert, savored delicious meals, meandered through the town chatting non-stop, and luxuriated in a chic hotel. It was blissful! But just three days later, I found myself staring at him wide-eyed, exclaiming, “I think we might be drifting apart!” He nodded knowingly and said, “Yeah, I’ve sensed the rut too.”
When you run a business alongside your spouse, it’s alarmingly easy to slip into a routine. The distance can creep in subtly, almost like the tide retreating from the shore. Being together all the time can lead to forgetting the importance of quality time. We don’t often think we need to carve out special moments for our relationship; after all, we see each other constantly. Yet, often, we are so busy managing our day-to-day tasks that we forget to truly connect.
Whenever I feel that familiar distance creeping in, I ring the alarm bells loud and clear. My partner might think I’m a tad overdramatic, but who wants to live a life where two people coexist without really seeing or listening to each other? It’s possible to juggle household chores, healthy cooking, active lifestyles, raising kids, and careers while being stuck in a rut, and that’s what truly terrifies me. Life can become a monotonous autopilot, and I refuse to let that happen!
Sometimes, we need to draw firmer boundaries around work and technology. Sure, we can have a productive planning session for our business, but then we should tuck the kids in early and enjoy a tech-free dinner and indie movie.
We’ve also established that our bedroom is our sanctuary — the kids must knock before entering! Having a space that’s just ours is crucial. And let’s not forget the power of fun! Recently, we decided we needed to feel more connected, so we bounced on a trampoline for half an hour, laughing until our stomachs hurt. Simple moments like a quiet dinner, a tech-free coffee chat, an evening walk, or a workout can break the monotony and help us reconnect.
Just as I strive to redirect my focus in various aspects of life, I also channel energy into my time with Chris. Setting boundaries has become increasingly vital for us. We need to be recognized as individuals with unique thoughts and interests, not just business partners. After all, we are human beings, not human doings.
It’s a balancing act that requires intentional effort. Successful marriages don’t just happen by accident; they demand ongoing work and attention. We must avoid the autopilot mentality and seize opportunities to be fully present as a couple.
After I raised the alarm about our rut, Chris and I took the kids to the pool and spent two hours discussing what was happening between us. We explored the underlying issues and came up with strategies for improvement. Sometimes, we’re oblivious to how our behaviors affect each other. Those moments of open dialogue are what I cherish most in our marriage. After 15 years together, we’re wise enough to know that drifts can happen, even to the best of us. If we can run a successful business and raise happy kids but neglect our relationship — the very foundation of our dreams — then we’ve completely missed the point.
It’s our responsibility to keep a finger on the pulse of our marriage and prevent those ruts from taking hold. If you’re looking for more insights, feel free to visit this link for more tips and resources.
In summary, nurturing your marriage requires effort and intention. By setting boundaries, creating special moments, and maintaining open communication, you can revitalize your relationship and avoid falling into a rut. Remember, it’s about loving your partner every day.