Dear Santa,
I’ve dabbled in essential oils, embraced recycling, and even whipped up some nourishing bone broth. In other words, I’ve been the quintessential crunchy mama this year. So, I think I deserve a few of the delightful goodies I’ve had my eye on. Understanding that shopping for someone with a patchouli aroma can be tricky, I’ve put together a little list of what I’m longing for this Christmas/Solstice.
Chickens and a Chicken Coop
Santa, if you bring me nothing else, make it this! Sure, the hens might fall victim to local foxes, and each egg will cost me more in feed and care than those no-cage organic eggs I pick up at Whole Foods, but these chickens will be my friends. They’ll perch on my lap and happily produce eggs for my family, who will definitely eat them—despite the fact that the kids have declared war on scrambled eggs, deviled eggs, hardboiled eggs, and, well, eggs in general. And yes, those eggs might come with a bit of chicken poop—now that’s true love!
Canning Supplies Galore
In short, Santa, I want every single item needed for canning. I’m determined to pickle, candy, and transform fresh veggies into BPH-free, aluminum-free, never-frozen delights. Just wait for peach season—I’ll can so many peaches that we might have to share with the neighbors! And I promise, no one will get botulism… mostly because I’ll probably just let the jars collect dust in my kitchen. But hey, it’ll boost my hipster cred!
All the Waldorf Toys
I want that adorable fabric elf, the charming wooden rainbow, and a treehouse complete with organic wooden dolls tied together with hemp rope. Plus, that pricey Bamboletta doll with rainbow hair and brown skin? Yes, please! I want all the wooden treasures—of course, for my child.
A Year’s Supply of Nag Champa
For those who might not know, Nag Champa is the go-to incense for any eco-conscious mama. It masks all sorts of odors—from diaper changes to burnt greens—making my home smell like a college dorm trying to cover up the smell of something else. Santa, I won’t ask you about your stance on state laws; let’s just keep it between us.
A Woven Wrap
I’ve graduated from the Moby, Santa. Now, I’m craving something handwoven, perhaps with unicorn fur and elf hair, in a twill weave of vibrant colors. It needs to be a size 6 to accommodate all my favorite carries. I could explain the intricacies to you, but you’d probably just stare blankly.
Breastmilk Jewelry
Imagine sending my milk somewhere to be preserved as jewelry—like a ring or locket. It’s as if I’d have a piece of my motherhood forever encased like a bizarre relic! I absolutely must have this.
Menstrual Products Galore
Forget typical pads and tampons, Santa. I want to embrace the unconventional! Give me a Diva Cup in all its silicone glory, some natural sea sponges, and even crocheted reusable tampons. For those heavy days, let’s add handmade organic pads layered with something called Zorb. I want to embrace my eco-friendly, Whole Foods-shopping self!
That One Must-Have Diaper
You know the one—the limited edition print that everyone is clamoring for. This diaper will complete my collection and look oh-so-cute on my little one. Let’s just hope he doesn’t mess it up and ruin its resale value!
Thanks for taking a moment to consider my wishlist, Santa. I promise to leave you gluten-free carob-walnut cookies on Christmas Eve.
Love,
A Not-So-Hippie Mom
For more on home insemination, check out this excellent resource. If you’re looking for a comprehensive guide on home insemination kits, visit this site. And if you’re interested in more tips, check out this blog post.
Summary:
In this humorous holiday wishlist, a devoted crunchy mama shares her heartfelt (and quirky) desires for Christmas, from chickens and canning supplies to Waldorf toys and breastmilk jewelry. The letter captures the essence of her eco-conscious lifestyle while including cheeky commentary on motherhood.