I just had a major meltdown on my partner.
It was a Sunday afternoon after a week filled with stress, sleepless nights, and all sorts of chaos. I had plans to get some work done while my partner took the kids to Grandma’s for a few hours so I could finally catch a break.
But here’s how “taking the kids to Grandma’s” unfolded: My four-year-old was headed out into the chilly air without a jacket, while my partner trailed behind, forgetting the spelling list I had reminded him about three times for our nine-year-old. And to top it all off, the dishes I asked him to tackle this morning were still stacked high in the sink. I was feeling hangry after spending the last hour fetching snacks for everyone else but myself.
In a moment of sheer frustration, I rushed to the door, poked my head out, and yelled, “Come back here!”
Then I launched into a rant, listing all the ways he messed up, shoving the jacket and spelling list into his hands, and gesturing dramatically at the overflowing sink.
To my surprise, my partner, the saint that he can be, looked me in the eye and said, “Hey, it’s been a rough week for me too. I’m sorry. Take a breath. Get some work done. We’ll be back soon.”
As much as I wanted to argue, he was right.
Things don’t always wrap up that neatly, and sometimes he’s the one who snaps at me. But the reality is that regardless of who is at fault, there’s no justification for taking our frustrations out on each other.
And yet, it’s something I do far too often. He does it too. We both pride ourselves on being patient and kind to others, including our kids, but when it comes to each other, the rules seem to fly out the window.
When I’m having a terrible day and see his socks next to the hamper instead of inside it, I’m quick to unleash my irritation, even if he’s been nothing but supportive. Likewise, if he’s had a tough day at work and I’m distracted by my phone, he might vent about my lack of listening—not just today, but always.
While there’s often a kernel of truth in our complaints, we both have a knack for blowing things out of proportion and allowing our stress to dictate our reactions.
It makes me wonder if this behavior is a sign of love and trust. Much like our kids, who are on their best behavior in public, only to let their emotions spill over at home, we often feel safe enough to express our frustrations with each other.
I’m grateful that I can be vulnerable with my partner, but that doesn’t mean it’s always healthy.
I understand that I need to address issues when they arise, such as when he forgets to dress the kids appropriately or leaves his stuff strewn around the house. However, I also recognize that I can’t expect him to be perfect all the time. After 15 years of marriage, I’ve learned that the saying “You get what you get, and you don’t get upset” holds true for relationships too. If you want a lasting marriage, acceptance is key.
So, no matter how much my partner might drive me crazy or how stressful life can be, I need to take a step back, breathe deeply, and resist the urge to yell at him.
Even if I apologize afterward or we make up, lashing out isn’t fair. The little jabs can accumulate and leave lasting impacts.
Trust me, I know the struggle is real. I see that PMS is marked on my calendar for next week, and I can already predict I’ll be in a tizzy over him leaving the toilet seat up or finishing off my snacks. But I plan to keep my mouth shut, stock up on Oreos before he gets to them, and enjoy them in peace rather than blowing my top at him. At least, that’s the plan.
For more insights on navigating the complexities of relationships, check out this excellent resource on treating infertility and if you’re interested in home insemination, consider reading about at-home insemination kits.
Summary:
In relationships, it’s common to take our bad days out on our partners, even when they don’t deserve it. This article highlights how stress can lead to frustration, the importance of accepting our partner’s imperfections, and the need to communicate without lashing out. It encourages finding healthier ways to cope with our emotions, especially during tough times.