Updated: November 19, 2016
Originally Published: November 18, 2016
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My partner and I have our fair share of disagreements. One of the more lighthearted ones revolves around whether “La La Land” deserves its accolades (spoiler: it doesn’t). However, our most pressing debate centers on parenting styles.
She believes I raise my voice too often, and while I’d love to argue otherwise, I can’t deny the truth in her words. Lately, my voice has been raised way too frequently.
Our oldest just hit the big 6, and wow, what a handful! Gone are the days when he was an angelic 2 to 5-year-old. Now, he’s paired with a baby brother who is crawling, teething, and trying to turn our home into a playground for disaster. There are moments when managing both feels like juggling flaming torches. As a result, my stress levels have skyrocketed, and my patience has vanished.
Instead of being the serene father I aspire to be, I find myself yelling more than I’d like to admit—quickly, often, and sometimes without a clear reason. I’m constantly simmering just beneath the surface, which leads to a pretty tense home environment. When my son talks back or refuses to cooperate, I feel myself revving up from a slow burn to a full-on explosion.
I get it; my tendency to yell isn’t helping anyone. I need to remind myself that my 6-year-old is just that—a 6-year-old who doesn’t always have the tools to manage his big feelings. As the adult, I should be setting an example of the behavior I wish to see in him because they’re always watching and learning from me. It pains me to see my own reactions mirrored in his behavior, so I know I have to rein in my own frustrations to prevent passing them on.
My partner takes a different approach, but I wouldn’t say her method is flawless either. Though I may go from a steady 30 to a furious 60, she often stays calm until she reaches a breaking point, at which time she erupts like a volcano.
While I’m aware that being in a constant state of readiness to explode isn’t healthy for my relationship with my kids, my partner seems less concerned about her rare outbursts, given that she maintains her cool most of the time. When she finally snaps, it’s a surprise that not only catches the kids off guard but also leaves me reeling. But afterward? She’s back to normal. It makes me wonder if her strategy of holding it all in until it bursts might actually be worth trying.
This article was originally published on November 18, 2016.
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Summary
Parenting can be a balancing act of emotions, especially when stress levels rise and patience wears thin. Both partners may face different challenges, whether it’s constant yelling or sudden eruptions of frustration. It’s essential to reflect on these behaviors and work towards a calmer environment for the whole family.