Overall, my three kids generally get along splendidly. They share laughter, play games together, and obviously care for one another deeply. But they are siblings, and if you’ve ever experienced sibling dynamics, you know that squabbling is part of the package. Just consider the classic tale of Cain and Abel—it’s an age-old narrative.
I recall bickering with my own brother as a child, even though we typically had a good relationship. I can vividly remember our verbal tug-of-wars over perceived slights and shouting, “Mom! Jeremy’s touching me!” from the backseat. My mother always looked exasperated by our antics, and now, I completely understand why. Oh, how I get it now!
My kids have argued over countless ridiculous things, but here are their all-time favorites:
Who Got More
Whether it’s a milliliter of juice, a teaspoon of ice cream, or even a single cookie crumb, my children possess an uncanny ability to assess portion sizes just by looking. Whoever feels they’ve been wronged—no matter how minute—always erupts with, “Why did she get more than meeee?” My go-to retort? “Well, kid, it’s because I love her more than I love you. Duh.” But honestly, I love Louis C.K.’s take: “The only time you look in your neighbor’s bowl is to ensure they have enough. You don’t check to see if you have as much.” Bam! Kids, take note.
Whose Turn It Is
“It’s my turn to ring the doorbell!” “It’s my turn to push the elevator button!” “It’s my turn to sit by Mommy!” “It’s her turn to scoop the litter box!” I’ve invested countless hours trying to avoid turn-taking disputes. You practically need a spreadsheet to track who pushed the outside elevator button last versus the inside one. (Pro tip: the inside buttons are way more coveted.) When the bickering erupts, my favorite response is to declare, “It’s Mommy’s turn!” and do it myself—except for the litter box; that’s all them.
Looking at Each Other Oddly
Who knew that eyeballs could be so powerful? “She glared at me!” “Stop looking at me like that!” “He always gives me that look!” Ugh! People, you don’t have to engage in the eyeball wars. It’s like public breastfeeding—just look away! When they won’t budge, I unleash my crazy cross-eyed stare, which might give them nightmares but is totally worth it.
Laughing at (or Near) Each Other
While my kids enjoy laughing together, chaos ensues when one of them cracks up while the other is in a bad mood. It’s as if they can’t stand the thought of a sibling enjoying life, and they often declare that the other was laughing at them. Sometimes that’s true, but good luck convincing them otherwise!
Imaginary Destruction
One day, my daughter stormed into the room, crying uncontrollably. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “He killed my waaahhhhh!” “He killed your what?” “My imaginary draaaagonnn!” Ah yes, the pretend destruction of imaginary things. Many a fantastical creature and castle has been sacrificed to sibling supremacy in our home. I simply hug them until they calm down and create a new imaginary friend. You can’t reason with make-believe!
Me! Me! Me!
My kids love to engage in a tug-of-war over yours truly, the Almighty Mommy—the ultimate prize. There’s definitely some primal instinct at play as my younger two subtly compete for proximity to me. If one snuggles up, the other must join in. They rarely overtly bicker about my attention, knowing that wouldn’t end well. But there’s definitely an unspoken competition to see who can get closest to me first.
Ah, sibling rivalry. It’s a natural part of growing up. Here’s hoping that when they’re adults, they won’t argue over who looked at whom or who got to push the elevator button last. At least, that’s the dream. Fingers crossed!
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Summary:
Siblings argue over the most trivial things, from portion sizes to turn-taking. As a parent, it can feel overwhelming to navigate these squabbles. My kids bicker over everything, from who gets more juice to imaginary dragons, and even who gets to sit closest to me. While it can be frustrating, I hope that these rivalries will fade as they grow into adulthood.