I have to admit, I’m not great at picking out gifts. This isn’t some false humility or a cover for laziness—it’s a truth I’ve come to accept at a fundamental level. Gift-giving just isn’t in my DNA.
For those familiar with the 5 Love Languages theory, you’ll know that “gift-giving” is one of those categories. When I took the assessment, “acts of service” emerged as my top love language, followed closely by “words of affirmation.” Unsurprisingly, “gift-giving” was dead last—like, I might as well have received zero points in that area. I don’t particularly care for gifts myself, nor do I express love through presents.
Honestly, I have zero instincts when it comes to gifting. Even when I’m invited to a birthday bash, the thought of what to get the birthday person rarely crosses my mind. It usually hits me right before the event, resulting in a frantic dash for a last-minute gift. I’ve likely spent a lot of time thinking about the person and how grateful I am to have them in my life, but the whole gift aspect just doesn’t register.
This doesn’t mean I’m not a generous person overall. I’m more than happy to babysit your kids for a few hours, write you a heartfelt letter, or find ways to ease your burdens. I’ll offer anything you request, and I love hosting friends with warmth and kindness. My spirit is generous; it just doesn’t translate into gifts.
My close friends and family are well aware of my gifting shortcomings, which is somewhat comforting. But it’s not entirely smooth sailing, as there are still occasions where gifts are expected. When etiquette suggests (or demands) a hostess gift or something similar, I’m completely lost. Holiday gifts for co-workers, teachers, and mail carriers? Your guess is as good as mine. The holiday season is particularly brutal for those of us lacking in the gift department. Birthdays and anniversaries come in a close second and third.
Luckily, my partner, Alex, shares my gifting ineptitude, so we’re in this together. Our idea of a birthday or anniversary present is saying, “Hey, remember that high-speed blender we’ve been eyeing? Let’s just buy it and call it a birthday gift!” We’re both content with this arrangement. I honestly can’t remember the last time we exchanged a wrapped, surprise gift. It just doesn’t happen, and we’re perfectly fine with that.
Part of this quirk might stem from a desire for simplicity. I don’t want to give someone something they don’t need or that will end up collecting dust until they finally feel justified in donating it. When I do give gifts, they tend to be things like flowers or candy—items that won’t stick around long. Yet even those can stress me out. Flowers will wilt eventually, and candy just adds to someone’s self-control battles.
See? I overthink everything. When I finally remember to get a gift, I tend to spiral into over-analysis. If it’s truly the thought that counts, isn’t it enough to just think of the person and tell them so?
I know there are plenty of you out there who are natural gift-givers, and I admire you for it. I love how excited you get about presents, and how your thoughtfulness shines through tangible offerings. I just hope that my thoughtfulness, which manifests more through words and actions than through fancy wrappings, comes through clearly.
To my fellow not-so-great gift-givers, hang in there during the holiday chaos. You’re not alone in this journey, my friends. For more insights about family and relationships, check out our other blog posts, including helpful tips on home insemination here. Also, if you’re looking for quality resources related to pregnancy and family planning, the CDC is an excellent source.
In summary, while gift-giving may not be my forte, I strive to express my affection through other meaningful gestures. And for those of you who relate, remember: it’s the thought that counts!