I found myself in my 7-year-old daughter Lily’s room, trying (and failing) to assist her with her homework. Whenever things get a bit tricky for her—like a math problem or sounding out a word—she gets overwhelmed, frustrated, and shuts down completely.
We were tackling some basic math—number lines, rounding numbers, the usual suspects. Twice, she balled her fists and slammed the paper, then retreated to the corner, burying her head in her knees. “You’re making it harder!” she announces when I attempt to explain, or “I just can’t do it!” She calls it all stupid and infuriating. It all stems from the fact that she is an anxious learner.
This has always been the case. Homework sends her into a tailspin, and I can’t pinpoint why. Her older brother, Max, has his own set of challenges, but his struggles are more about laziness—he procrastinates and takes shortcuts without getting all worked up. He doesn’t throw tantrums or storm off into his room like Lily does.
Parenting is a wild ride, isn’t it? Even though both kids share the same genes and look quite alike, they are worlds apart in personality. Right now, Lily’s schoolwork is our biggest hurdle.
As we tackled a worksheet about dimes and pennies, I had to coax her out of the corner to give it another shot. We turned it into a fun lesson with candy coins from the pantry—because let’s be honest, candy makes everything better!
The hardest part of this whole ordeal is remaining patient. Each time she gets upset over a seemingly simple task, I feel the urge to scream. I wish she could just power through it. I want to help, but I think she equates accepting help with failing. Sometimes, she just can’t do it alone.
And with anxious learners like Lily, the key is reassuring them that it’s okay to ask for help. You want to support them, but sometimes after a long day, you just want to throw your hands up in defeat. You yearn for a smooth transition to dinner and bedtime without the homework drama!
What I’ve discovered is that losing my cool only magnifies her anxiety. My frustration makes her retreat even further into her shell, and that’s not what either of us needs.
I know there’s a lot of debate around the effectiveness of homework for young kids, but as the parent of an anxious child, I’m relieved she has it. I see her struggling with these same concepts at school, and while helping with homework can be maddening, I feel like I’m helping her develop essential coping skills for her classroom challenges.
I’ve learned that no one will advocate for her as fiercely as I will. I make sure to share any insights with her teacher, because let’s face it, it takes a village to raise a kid. Whatever I can do to make the teacher’s job easier so that Lily can thrive is invaluable.
I keep things lighthearted and encouraging. I remind her that, despite the challenges, I’m right there beside her. As her dad, it’s my job to support her, even when she’s pounding her paper in frustration. That unwavering support is crucial for anxious students like her.
After what felt like an eternity, we finally finished the worksheet. It took nearly an hour—a task that should’ve taken half that time. But when we were done, Lily let out a huge sigh of relief, as if she’d just completed a marathon. She hugged me and called me a great dad, which, honestly, feels like the biggest victory amidst the chaos.
Parenting may sometimes feel like a thankless job, but those small gestures—a hug, a smile—make it all worthwhile. And with parenting, that feeling of connection is what truly matters.
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In summary, parenting an anxious student requires patience, understanding, and a supportive approach. Each child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. The journey, though challenging, is full of moments that remind us of the importance of love and connection.