November is here, and with it comes the annual onslaught from the gratitude-industrial complex, reminding us of the countless perks of being thankful. From NPR to celebrity endorsements, we’re all told to count our blessings, especially those of us who are mothers. We’re supposed to rejoice in our beautiful children, whose laughter and love illuminate our lives. Many of us have fought hard for this joy, battling through fertility treatments or adoption hurdles. So naturally, we should overflow with gratitude, right?
As a mom and a psychologist specializing in anxiety surrounding motherhood, I find the whole gratitude thing a bit troublesome. I’m not alone in this; a thought-provoking New York Times piece recently tackled the notion that gratitude can sometimes feel self-indulgent. But my concern is different. While studies show that gratitude can enhance happiness and life satisfaction, I’ve seen that the pressure to feel thankful can lead many mothers to feel worse about themselves and their circumstances.
Let me clarify. I’ve met numerous moms who have plenty to be grateful for yet are still overwhelmed with stress, anxiety, or even depression. They often tell me that the pressure to be thankful during Thanksgiving makes them feel even more isolated and unhappy. They recognize their blessings but still struggle, leaving them wondering why they can’t just enjoy what they have.
There are also moms who find it difficult to pinpoint what they’re grateful for. The gratitude-industrial complex has a solution for that too! I saw a mindfulness post suggesting we should be thankful for clean air, water, and a warm home. Sure, those are great things to appreciate, but they don’t do much for someone battling loneliness or despair.
In my experience, the insistence on gratitude can feel dismissive, as if someone is saying, “You have food, clean water, and a loving family, so stop complaining!” But we all know that mental health doesn’t operate like that. Just look at the tragic stories of people like Robin Williams; having everything doesn’t shield anyone from mental health struggles.
In cognitive-behavioral therapy, we often discuss the importance of embracing our negative feelings and extending compassion to ourselves. So, during this season of gratitude, I remind mothers that it’s perfectly okay to feel sad, to struggle to find things to be thankful for, or to be grateful for some aspects of life while feeling down about others.
So yes, let Oprah and the rest talk about gratitude, but let’s add a few caveats to those articles and social media posts:
- It’s perfectly fine if you can’t think of anything to be grateful for.
- It’s okay to appreciate certain aspects of your life while feeling discontent with others.
- It’s entirely acceptable to have everything one could wish for yet still not feel happy.
Now that’s a Thanksgiving sentiment I can support.
For more insights on navigating motherhood and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and related topics. If you’re interested in exploring home insemination options, you can find more information about essential tools like the Cryobaby Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit here. And remember, it’s okay to have your own journey without the pressure of societal expectations.
Summary
This article discusses how the societal pressure to feel grateful during Thanksgiving can be counterproductive, especially for mothers who may feel overwhelmed despite having much to appreciate. It emphasizes the importance of acknowledging negative emotions and recognizing that it’s okay not to feel grateful all the time, offering a more compassionate perspective on gratitude during the holiday season.