Parenting Wisdom
By: Jessica Harmon
Updated: November 21, 2023
Originally Published: November 25, 2012
How to Sleep Train Your Child:
Step one: Toss out all those sleep training guides that claim to have the perfect solution for YOUR child. Step two: Politely ignore everyone’s unsolicited advice on how they managed to sleep-train THEIR little ones. Step three: When nighttime arrives, assist your child in slipping into their pajamas and guide them to bed. Step four: Say your goodnights, add a heartfelt “I love you” or “sweet dreams,” and turn off the lights. Step five: Help them out of bed in the morning. Step six: If they start transforming into a tiny terror during the day, it’s nap time. This could be once or multiple times—whatever works. Remember, monster = nap. Step seven: Repeat as necessary.
How to Encourage Your Child to Clean Up Their Toys:
Step one: Request your child to pick up their toys by asking, “Can you please tidy up your toys now?” Step two: If they ignore you, quietly retrieve a garbage bag. Step three: Thanks to past experiences with you and that garbage bag, your child will likely panic and clean up their toys faster than you can say “mess.”
How to Manage Toddler Tantrums:
Step one: Your child is on the floor, throwing a fit because you dared to pour milk over their Cheerios—exactly as they requested. Step two: Stand over them and cheer them on, “C’mon, you can go bigger than that! Yell louder! Let’s see some real enthusiasm!” Step three: If that doesn’t work, join them on the floor and flail around yourself. Go all out. Step four: With your little one now laughing at your antics, help them back into their chair to enjoy their Cheerios.
How to Instill Politeness in Your Child:
Step one: Model politeness in your interactions with them. Step two: Withhold assistance—whether it’s getting them a glass of water, helping with shoes, or buying treats—unless they are courteous to you. Step three: Repeat steps one and two approximately 9,657,987 times.
How to Encourage Your Child to Eat Dinner with You:
Step one: Prepare a meal you genuinely want to eat. Step two: Serve a small portion on your child’s plate. Step three: Enjoy your meal. Step four: Clear their plate when you’re done. You’ll know dinner is over when either the plate is empty or your child, with the stamina of a seasoned monk, has fallen asleep at the table. Eventually, they’ll get hungry enough to eat what you do—at least that’s the hope. I often resort to mac ‘n cheese, as it’s easier to convince them to eat something than nothing at all.
How to Potty Train Your Child:
Step one: Say goodbye to diapers. Step two: Show them where the bathroom is. Step three: Prepare to invest in a mop.
How to Teach Your Child Kindness:
Step one: Simply be kind to them. The End.
Disclaimer: Written from my living room, where my toddler is currently shouting indignities from the time-out corner, likely won’t be potty-trained until her teenage years, and is generally acting out. Meanwhile, my six-year-old struggles to contain his energy and seems unable to sit still at the dinner table. But hey, we can always dream! For more insights into similar parenting challenges, check out this blog post on Cervical Insemination.
In summary, parenting is a wild ride filled with ups and downs, but following a few simple steps can help you and your toddler coexist in a more harmonious environment. From sleep training to teaching politeness, consistency and a touch of humor go a long way. If you’re exploring ways to expand your family, consider checking out this reputable online retailer for at-home insemination kits, or learn more about the process with this excellent resource from WebMD.
Leave a Reply