I stumbled across it on Facebook, naturally. An old buddy I hadn’t seen in ages, who’d turned into a marathon enthusiast and motivational speaker. I should’ve seen it coming, but it still felt like a punch to the gut: he shared the baby’s name and proudly proclaimed, “[Wife] nailed it!” next to a photo of their local birthing center (the kind where you can have a water birth without the intrusions of medication or doctors). Then he followed up with a family snapshot — his wife perfectly made up, the baby dressed like a tiny fashionista, captioned “About an hour later!”
Something inside me sparked rage, and I typed, “Congrats! I can’t believe she had time for makeup and fancy baby clothes just an hour after giving birth!”
“More like 90 minutes,” he corrected.
I know social media is a highlight reel, and that picture-perfect moment with the ruffled outfit and flawless makeup wasn’t the full picture. After a while, I figured out what really irked me. Sure, dress your baby in lace an hour after birth and apply a full face of makeup. But the hippie in me thinks you might be missing out on crucial bonding time. What really got to me was his use of the word “nailed,” especially in the context of celebrating a natural birth. You don’t “nail” childbirth. No way!
You don’t “nail” a natural birth because that term is rooted in competition. You nail a performance; you don’t conquer childbirth, which is a natural process, not a contest. If childbirth can be defeated, then it implies it can also defeat you.
I’m sure my friend’s wife did an amazing job with her natural birth. But what if she had asked for an epidural? Yelled? Said she couldn’t continue and wanted to go to the hospital? These are all common reactions during natural childbirth. Spoiler alert: giving birth really hurts! So if you “nail” natural childbirth, does that mean you somehow avoided all those feelings?
This mindset also means that if you can “nail” a natural birth, you can’t do so with any other type. Let’s clarify: all childbirth is natural because, well, you’re having a baby, regardless of how it happens. But let’s assume my friend is implying natural childbirth without medications. If you choose medication, does that make your experience lesser? If you require a C-section, did you not “nail” it? If you need stitches, does that downgrade your experience? (Seriously, no way did that woman dress up, get stitched, and apply makeup in just 90 minutes.) Birth becomes a competition, a win-lose scenario.
The only prize you get from childbirth is a healthy baby. Even if complications arise, you still emerge victorious because you endured pregnancy, and somehow, a baby came from you. Everyone wins when that happens.
The language of competition has no place in the delivery room. When one woman “nails” natural birth, it implies that another doesn’t. These narratives become adversarial.
Consider someone whose child ends up in the NICU. Or a mom whose labor was induced due to gestational diabetes. What about the woman who gave birth at home but experienced intense pain? Or the one whose husband had to catch their baby in a panic, only to deal with serious tearing? Did they “nail” their births?
What about my own situation? I was transferred from a birth center because of pain. The midwife scoffed at my husband’s insistence on the transfer, claiming I could handle it. In truth, I was too weak to continue. By the time I reached the hospital, they found I was severely dehydrated from vomiting and needed medical attention. I got an epidural and finally slept after 48 hours. Then I pushed for three hours and delivered a healthy, squalling baby boy, but it tore me up. It was a three-day ordeal. It was terrifying. It was beautiful.
Did I “nail” birth?
I refuse to think my labor was less than anyone else’s traditional natural birth. I refuse to believe that any woman is inherently more capable, brave, or anything else because of her experience.
We plunge into the intense journey of labor and emerge drenched in sweat, shaking. When we turn childbirth into a competition, everyone loses. Let’s not drag the mommy wars into the delivery room.
The solution lies in changing our language. Say someone “rocked” their birth. Say they had a magical experience, or worked hard and did their best. Celebrate that they had a baby. There are no medals for refusing pain relief.
So, let’s retire the term “nailed it.” You can’t conquer childbirth; you can only give it your all and let your body do its thing. That might mean a C-section — and C-section moms are just as valid as those who deliver in a serene setting surrounded by flowers and soft music. You don’t “nail” birth. You experience it, each in your own way, and none is better than the other.
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In summary, let’s remember that childbirth is a personal journey, not a competition. Each experience is valid, and the focus should be on the beautiful outcome — a new life.