I’ve reached a point in my life where, as my children grow older, I find myself more of an observer than a participant in the so-called Mommy Wars. Back in the day, when my kids were young, the internet was just beginning to take shape, and I was still figuring out how to create a fun email address. There were no blogs or parenting websites, and terms like “selfie,” “blog,” “text,” “viral,” and “followers” were either nonexistent or meant something entirely different.
I fed my children in ways that suited them and me. I established bedtime routines that worked for our family. I chose my methods of discipline based on what seemed effective at the moment. Sure, I was part of various mom groups—early childhood education, nursing moms, playdates, and the many mothers I encountered at the park. I faced judgment, and I’ll admit, I cast my share of it too.
But here’s the thing: we didn’t have the whole world scrutinizing our every move back then. There were no Facebook friends quietly critiquing our parenting mishaps as they scrolled through their feeds. Instagram didn’t exist to turn a simple photo of our baby into a cause for outrage.
As cliché as it may sound, life was simpler. Yet, with age comes wisdom, and I’d like to offer a few tidbits for the new generation of mothers:
I understand it’s tough. The pressure comes from all directions. But let me share a little secret: in a few years, the spotlight will shift away from you to the next wave of new parents. You’ll have those little versions of adults at home, and all the prying eyes will fade away (unless, of course, you have a dog, in which case, you’ll have a furry intruder in every aspect of your life). Enjoy that freedom—it’s as wonderful as a hot meal you get to savor while it’s still warm.
I spend a lot of time around young adults now, living with three of them full-time. They’re all old enough to vote, and one can legally buy alcohol (see? It has its perks!). They can handle their own laundry and drive cars without “Little Tikes” labels.
Unlike those early days, when you looked at my kids and me, you’d see a seasoned artist rather than a novice shaping blobs of clay. My kids might not be perfect, but I’m proud of who they’ve become and my role in that journey.
When I interact with groups of young people now, it’s not as easy to discern their upbringing. There are no pacifiers or diapers in sight. No bottles of formula cluttering the table, and no quiet corners for nursing babies. Instead, I see nearly fully-formed individuals. I can’t tell which ones were breastfed or which thrived on formula. I can’t say who was in daycare or who had a stay-at-home parent.
What I can identify, however, are the kids who were taught basic manners—saying “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me.” I notice which ones learned to clean up after themselves. It’s clear to see who was raised to respect others, who had a solid work ethic instilled in them, and who was taught that they don’t have to earn anything.
I’ve witnessed kids from challenging backgrounds rise to become academic stars, while others from picture-perfect homes struggle with their own demons. This isn’t just about my kids—when you’re out in public, polite and kind individuals stand out amidst the chaos.
In a nutshell, parenting is no walk in the park. Mistakes will happen, no matter how well-intentioned we are. What we do in their early years will matter, yet it won’t. Confusing, right? Welcome to the world of parenthood! The best you can do is your best. Forget the critics, silence that pesky self-doubt, and focus on what truly matters. Remember, in just a few years, your child will be navigating a world filled with judgmental voices—your job is to ensure they don’t become one of them.
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Summary
Parenting can be overwhelming, with pressures from all sides, but it’s essential to focus on your family without worrying about outside judgment. As children grow, what truly matters is the values and skills they learn along the way. Prioritize kindness, respect, and hard work, and remember that your parenting journey is uniquely yours.