It’s funny how birthing a child instantly qualifies me as a guru on parenting and the joy it might bring. Just kidding—I’m no expert! But if you heard the frequent question posed to me by friends pondering parenthood, you might think I am. The question I get asked the most is: Is it really worth it?
Maybe they ask me because I share personal stories for a living or because many of my friends, who have climbed the career ladder, are waiting until later in life to start families. Whatever the reason, they often seem taken aback by my response.
Honestly? It’s probably not worth it—whatever “it” is.
Becoming a mother has always felt like my destiny. I’ve wanted this role for as long as I can remember. When I faced years of struggles trying to conceive, I thought, “This can’t be right; I’m meant to be a mom!” It was one of the few things in my life I was absolutely sure about.
We began our journey in our early 30s, unknowingly set for a five-year wait until I finally got pregnant. I welcomed my first child at 37 and my second at 40. Sure, that’s a late start, but I never followed the traditional path. I didn’t have kids because society expected it; I did it because I genuinely wanted to.
That’s why my advice tends to surprise my friends. They see my joy in motherhood and expect me to say something like, “It’s the best thing ever! You’ll find your true purpose the moment you give birth!” Instead, I often say, “If you’re unsure, maybe it’s best not to rush. Your life is pretty great as it is, right?”
This usually results in blank stares.
What’s wrong with enjoying the freedom to travel without worrying about childcare? What’s incomplete about focusing on your career or passions? I have plenty of single, child-free friends in their 40s who are happy. Sure, some are unhappy, but throwing a baby into the mix won’t necessarily fix that.
I firmly believe not every woman is meant to be a mother. Just because you have the ability doesn’t mean you have to take that route. Many couples fall prey to the societal myth that having kids is essential for fulfillment. Spoiler alert: it’s not.
Let’s be real—our planet is overpopulated. We don’t have the resources to support all these new little ones. Honestly, we’re doing just fine as a species, so breathe easy.
Parenting is tough. It’s a constant series of sacrifices, and you need to be truly prepared. Every time I mention this, someone gets offended, assuming I’m doing it all wrong. But let’s face it: motherhood is challenging.
The biggest issue is that the questions surrounding the decision to have kids are often impossible to answer. Why should I have a child? Will it make me more selfless or selfish? How will it change me? Will I even like this new person? What will my life look like? If someone claims they have the answers, they’re probably just full of it.
That’s why I say what I do: If you’re uncertain about having kids, don’t do it. Reflecting on my own journey, it was my strong desire to be a parent that carried me through the tough times. If I hadn’t felt that deep urge, I can’t say I’d be as content today.
Of course, there are people who were unsure about parenthood but ended up thrilled when they became parents. But I believe a certain level of certainty is essential for such a monumental decision. You’re bringing a whole new human into the world; it’s something you should feel at least somewhat sure about, right?
Then you can step into parenthood and discover that certainty is a myth.
If you want to explore more about the journey of parenthood, check out this insightful post on home insemination at Intracervical Insemination. And for those considering the practical aspects of starting a family, Make a Mom offers valuable resources. You might also find the CCRM IVF blog helpful for everything from pregnancy tips to home insemination insights.
In summary, if you’re on the fence about having kids, take a moment to think it over. Parenthood is a huge commitment and not something to be entered into lightly.