Updated: Aug. 3, 2016
Originally Published: Nov. 12, 2012
Not long ago, I found myself knee-deep in laundry, plucking chunks of half-digested food from my child’s soiled clothes—remnants of last night’s unfortunate bout of vomiting. As I scraped off the curdled egg bits, I couldn’t help but think: What on earth? Seriously, what on earth? No one ever prepares you for these moments in parenthood. Even if someone did mention it, there’s no way you could fully grasp the surreal experience of holding something that once resided in your child’s stomach.
This bizarre reality hits especially hard when a contagious illness sweeps through your home. It could be anything—a common virus, lice, or something far worse. But once it strikes (and trust me, it will), brace yourself for the following stages:
Denial
Initially, you’ll find yourself in denial. When the first child falls ill, you’ll confidently attempt to contain the situation, foolishly believing you can isolate her from the others. You’ll dismiss their complaints, convincing yourself they’re merely seeking attention. Until, of course, you spot the bumps, spots, or whatever contagious horror has infiltrated your household.
Lockdown Phase
Next comes the “lockdown” phase. Everyone is home together, and you’ll try your hardest to make it fun. You’ll scour the internet for tips on how to entertain your kids for hours on end or find homeschool activities. You might even think, “This is a fantastic opportunity for bonding!” But before long, the cute crafts you planned are done in mere minutes, leaving your kids staring at you as if to say, “Seriously? Is this your best effort?” And you, wearing your best cheerleader smile, cheer them on while feeling your sanity slip away. A playful game turns into a wrestling match, and chaos erupts.
Reality Hits
Reality hits hard at this point. Those screen time guidelines from pediatricians? Yeah, they didn’t consider sick days. So, you plug them into the TV because, let’s face it, even doctors might agree that shows like Phineas and Ferb can help you survive a sick day. Before long, you’ll be tossing in a few educational programs like Super Why! to sprinkle in some learning, all while throwing in a Doc McStuffins episode as a treat for your little one.
Nutritional Meltdown
As the days drag on, your meals undergo a massive nutritional meltdown. You’ll find yourself repeating the same two meals—think Peanut Butter and Jelly or Noodles—while trying to sell it as a culinary adventure. And deep down, you know your kids haven’t seen a vegetable in days. But hey, hydration is key! At least the sodium is helping them retain water, right? You convince yourself that you’re doing a bang-up job as a mom.
Acceptance
Eventually, you move into acceptance. You remind yourself that this is the perfect time to wash everyone’s bedding and sanitize every toy. However, as your hands become raw from scrubbing, you realize that over-cleaning may have contributed to this mess in the first place. Germs, after all, are the new trendy accessory. So you decide to embrace the chaos, letting your family marinate in their own germs because, as Kelly Clarkson says, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
Remember, each journey through contagion town will be uniquely your own. Perhaps you’ll start resembling a character from The Walking Dead, or your kids will consider Tylenol a gourmet snack. In the end, only the strong will endure. So prepare yourself for whatever illness inevitably visits your home this cold and flu season. Stock up on your essentials: wine, Netflix, disinfectants, and those microwaveable mac and cheese cups. Hang on tight, and you can thank me later. If you’re interested in more tips for navigating sickness with kids, check out this post on home insemination.
In summary, surviving parenthood during a contagious outbreak is a wild ride filled with denial, lockdowns, and acceptance. While you may not be able to avoid the chaos entirely, being prepared can help you weather any storm that comes your way.
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