Not long ago, I received a message from a woman I only know online. The subject line read, “I think I’m an unfit mother.” My heart sank, and I opened it immediately to see what was troubling her.
The email expressed feelings of inadequacy: “I adore my kids, but there are days I don’t even like them. I feel miserable. My husband and I rarely connect. I’m trying to teach my kids right from wrong. They behave well in public, but at home, it’s chaos. They lack manners and tell me I’m the worst mom ever. I’ve tried every method imaginable—positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, you name it—and nothing changes. I feel like a failure, like my kids deserve better, and I’m terrified I’ve ruined their lives.”
Wait, that’s it? If those thoughts make you an unfit mother, then we’re all failing in some way! Seriously, every single one of us!
I know I’m not alone when I’ve yelled, “You would never treat your teacher like that! I’m your mom! I care for you! You can’t talk to me that way! You know better!” During my teaching years, I had countless conversations with parents who would say things like, “Well, you should see him at home!” after I praised their child.
All parents share the same goal: to raise kind, responsible, and compassionate kids who contribute positively to society. When they achieve that, parenting becomes enjoyable, and we feel a sense of accomplishment.
As parents, we naturally want to be proud of our creations. Kids put so much effort into their drawings, eager to show them off to us, just like we want our hard work recognized in our careers. But the most significant creation we’ll ever make is our children. We literally nurtured them from the start. When they arrive, they seem perfect and innocent. However, as time goes on, we realize the real challenge begins once they’re here.
Raising children is tough work. It’s exhausting, and sometimes, despite our best efforts, we question whether we’re doing it right. The longer we struggle to guide them, the harder it can be to correct our course.
I often share images of my kids when they’re doing something right—cooking, reading, or being kind. Why? Because it feels good to celebrate those moments, and I take pride not just in their achievements, but in my role in shaping them. It’s like when your little one beams, showing you their “artwork” that looks like a circle with lines, asking if you like it.
However, those picture-perfect moments are fleeting. The reality of parenting can often feel overwhelming. There are days when 50% of the time, things are hectic, and it feels like your children are pushing every button you have.
Recently, we went on vacation, staying in a condo close to other families. As we were trying to leave for a beach day, all of my kids had meltdowns. One had sunscreen in her eyes, another couldn’t find his basketball, and yet another didn’t want to go at all. Chaos ensued, with kids screaming, fighting, and crying. It was far from a “look at us” moment. It was pure reality—messy and loud.
My children know the difference between right and wrong. They understand that hitting is unacceptable. Sometimes they follow the rules, and in those moments, I feel like I’m doing everything correctly. But during chaotic times, like on that vacation, I often doubt myself as a parent. Those doubts arise more frequently than I’d like to admit.
Kids often test boundaries; it’s part of their nature. In those moments, you have to hold on and ride the wave until calm returns. There will be days when you find a little more energy and patience to try a new method. It might happen soon or take some time. But remember, your kids are not ruined, and you are not an unfit mother.
The objective isn’t perfection; it’s survival. Sometimes, just keeping everyone safe and sound is the only goal, and that doesn’t make you an unfit mom. It makes you human.
If you’re interested in further insights about parenting and family dynamics, check out this other blog post. For those looking for reputable resources, you can explore options for at-home insemination kits at Make a Mom or listen to informative discussions on pregnancy and home insemination at Cleveland Clinic’s podcast.
In summary, remember that you’re not alone in your struggles as a parent. Perfection is not the goal; simply being present and doing your best is what truly matters.
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