Once upon a time, there was the f-word. Then we moved on to the c-word. Every now and then, I hear an x-word and find myself googling it. The alphabet is full of perilous letters, all crafted for shock value, evoking shame, causing giggles, and teasing our sensibilities. No consonant is blameless. No vowel is pure.
Recently, the infamous p-word surfaced in a political context. (Which election was that again? It feels like it was mentioned quite a few times in the news…) That one word sent the nation spiraling into a moral frenzy. I don’t have any issues with the p-word in a general sense. I’ve even used it to refer to my cats or the occasional tree.
However, there’s another p-word that really gets under my skin and twists my last nerve: polite. And I refuse to impose it on my daughters.
I have two daughters. They are generally respectful. They accept criticism—sometimes with grace. And they hardly ever talk back—except to their parents. We made sure they got that memo long before they learned to use the potty.
Yet, there are moments when they need to assert themselves, to put people—regardless of age—in their place. But due to the standard we’ve set, along with the fear and stigma surrounding being impolite, my daughters have occasionally been walked all over. Even their mother has fallen victim to it now and then.
So why do we continue to wield the p-word against our otherwise wonderful girls, especially when situations call for a little pushback? Why do we equate being polite with a lack of self-advocacy? It’s an outdated expectation that’s keeping us stifled and voiceless in the kitchen. This word needs to go.
Take my 10-year-old, for instance. She’s a gymnast—cautious and slightly afraid of heights, but she pours her heart into the sport. Frustrated by her fear, her coach occasionally resorts to using insults as motivation:
- “What are you? A baby?”
- “The 7-year-olds are doing this!”
- “You should be throwing yourself off the beam and into the abyss like everyone else.”
If he really knew my daughter, he’d understand that this approach only freezes her up, undermines her confidence, and leads her to tears. After one particularly harsh practice, she came to me, sobbing. “He said I’ll never be a decent gymnast if I don’t push myself.” She wanted to quit.
Sure, the coach has a point in theory. I understand the need for growth. But while sticks and stones may break bones, name-calling can leave lasting scars. Instead of confronting him about his language, I encourage my daughter to advocate for herself, to dismiss the insults, and to give him the infamous stink-eye. But she’s too—wait for it—polite.
This isn’t a rare occurrence. Many women have experienced annoying comments like “Give us a smile, will you?” We’ve learned to grin and bear it, to wrap our complaints in apologies, and to bury critiques in compliments. We’re taught to remain silent when someone invades our space and to comply when relatives demand affection (oh, that scratchy beard on my cheek!).
We should be empowering our girls to speak up instead of teaching them to accept poor behavior. There’s a time for saying, “That doesn’t work for me,” or “I appreciate your input, Coach, but I don’t respond to threats. And by the way, I’m working without a safety net!”
Speaking up for ourselves isn’t the same as being rude. Rudeness is unacceptable, but being our own champions is essential. Just as we swat mosquitoes away, we need to learn to stand up to those who bite back.
Ultimately, I’m proud of my girls for being good kids, even when they veer off course (my other daughter is a teenager—enough said!). I will continue to nurture kindness, tolerance, compassion, and understanding in them. We’re not barbarians, after all.
But if anyone tries to impose unreasonable expectations of the p-word on my kids, I’ll be right there with them as they let the whoop-(a-word) fly. Even if it earns them the label of the b-word, that’s a title I can accept.
For more insights on self-advocacy and home insemination, check out this article or learn about artificial insemination kits from the experts. If you’re seeking further information, Science Daily offers excellent resources on fertility and pregnancy.
In summary, the p-word should not define how our daughters express themselves. Politeness shouldn’t come at the cost of their confidence and ability to speak up. It’s high time we remove this outdated expectation and encourage girls to be both kind and assertive.