The other day, my 9-year-old son, Lucas, had a playdate after school. This meant three energetic boys were crammed into our living room, engaged in video games, tossing a ball, munching on snacks, and causing delightful chaos. When the fun finally wrapped up and the boys left, I stepped into the room and was hit with a wave of disarray. The air reeked of dirty socks and cheesy snacks. Couch cushions were askew, pillows lay scattered across the floor, a cup of water had toppled over on the coffee table, and snack wrappers were strewn everywhere.
“Hey, buddy,” I said to Lucas, “you can’t leave the living room like this!”
“Uh, I’m tiiiired,” he replied, flashing that charming smile that usually melts my heart.
I understood he was worn out. School days are long, and he still needed to tackle his homework. I recognize that playdates are crucial for his happiness and social growth, even if they mostly revolve around video games. However, I also realized that I was making too many excuses for him. At 9 years old, it’s high time he starts taking responsibility for the mess he creates.
Lucas does have a list of chores, and he usually manages them—though I find myself reminding him multiple times to put his clothes in the laundry or clear the table. Often, I just end up cleaning up after him, which I know is a bad habit. It’s simply quicker for me to do it myself than to engage in a battle over household tasks.
I can’t help but wonder if I would handle things differently if I had daughters instead of sons. Although I consider myself liberated, am I unconsciously giving my boys a pass because of outdated stereotypes about gender roles? I don’t believe that women should do all the household work, but I wonder if a daughter would receive a different message about contributing at home.
Regardless of the reasoning, I’ve decided to change my approach. I’m finished making excuses for my boys and picking up the slack. Yes, it might be easier to tidy up their messes myself, especially when we’re running late for school. But I need to establish consistency. This isn’t just about the present; it’s about shaping them into responsible adults who will contribute equally in their future relationships. I’m fortunate to have a husband who shares responsibilities, and I refuse to raise my sons any other way.
It’s essential for them to see me and all women as strong individuals who ask for what they need and don’t falter under pressure.
To my surprise, Lucas didn’t take much convincing to clean up the living room. Instead of resorting to empty threats about screen time, I told him the truth: this isn’t just about the messy room; it’s about him growing into a good man who doesn’t expect his partner to handle all the household chores.
“Time to step up,” I said, playfully nudging him. And just like that, he got to work without a fuss. Even when I found an empty chip bag tucked behind the TV, I resisted the urge to toss it myself. Instead, I made him pick it up, reinforcing that he is responsible for his messes.
Afterward, I couldn’t resist giving him a few affectionate kisses and thanking him for being such a good boy.
Moving forward, I’m determined to ensure my boys take on their share of responsibilities. It’s not enough to raise smart and kind children; they need to make contributing at home a habit. This is crucial not just for them, but also for their future partners and for our shared living space.
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In summary, it’s time to stop giving my boys a free pass when it comes to household chores. By holding them accountable, I’m not only teaching them valuable life skills but also shaping them into responsible men who respect their partners in the future.
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