The Struggles of the Early Rising Parent

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It’s 7:23 AM, and I’ve been awake for a whole hour and eight minutes. On a Saturday, no less! In our household, we have a strict no-morning policy before 7 AM, yet here I am, stuck in a reality that feels like an absurd nightmare. Anyone who knows me can attest that my morning self is not someone you’d want to meet before the sun’s fully up.

So, here we go—one hour and ten minutes into this day, and I’m already wishing I could crawl back into bed. But alas, that’s not an option. Instead, here’s my plan:

1. Mourn the Lost Sleep: It’s perfectly normal to grieve the peaceful mornings that have vanished into thin air.
2. Evaluate the Kids’ Market Value: I might just consider listing them on eBay—just don’t mention that they’re early risers.
3. Curse the Neighbors: Why are their homes still dark while I’m up and about?
4. Regret Last Night’s Binge: Watching another episode of that series was a mistake; I’m paying for it now.
5. Connect with Fellow Parents: A quick scroll through Facebook and Twitter to find other sleep-deprived souls.
6. Draft New “Stay in Bed” Rules: I’ll create reward charts to keep the kids in bed until 7 AM, but I know these plans will be forgotten by next weekend when they inevitably fail.
7. Breakfast Time: I guess I’ll eat now, although this means I’ll be serving lunch at 10:30 AM.
8. Email Toy Companies: I’ll send a message to a certain well-known toddler clock manufacturer about their faulty product. My little one figured out how to “bring the sun up” by day two—now the sun shows up at 4 AM, 5 AM, and 6 AM at random times.
9. Dream About Productivity: If only I weren’t so exhausted!
10. Nod Off Repeatedly: And this cycle continues for the rest of the day.

I guess I’ll see you all again tomorrow at 6:00 AM.

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In summary, early mornings as a parent can be a struggle filled with regrets, tasks, and a longing for sleep. Yet, we navigate these challenges while finding humor and connection with other parents in the same boat.