When I was grappling with intense postpartum depression and anxiety, my mind was a chaotic storm. I found myself fixated on bizarre worries—like whether my baby’s head would detach or if our minivan would suddenly crash. I was consumed by fears about my children surviving the apocalypse, and I felt this overwhelming dread that I was failing as a mother. Thankfully, my partner, Jake, stepped in. He got me to my psychiatrist, who prescribed the right meds to help me manage my condition. He provided me with nourishing meals, carved out time for me to sleep, and took care of the kids whenever he could. All of this made a significant difference. But one thing he never did, thank goodness, was tell me to just “get over it.”
The same dismissive attitude emerged when I opened up about the childhood abuse I endured. Discussing how it shaped my life and still impacts my self-image was daunting, even nearly three decades later. There’s always that nagging temptation for people to suggest I should “get over it” simply because it happened so long ago. But trust me, that doesn’t help.
Disappointments, big or small, follow the same pattern. When I feel down about a child’s tantrum at a store or the fact that my Chik-Fil-A card got declined, a simple “get over it” does nothing to ease my feelings. In fact, it just angers me.
The truth is, no one has the right to dictate how someone else should feel. You can’t simply switch off emotions like a light. When you tell someone to “get over it,” you’re asking the impossible, which is not only frustrating—it’s downright dismissive. Believe me, if it were that easy, people would jump at the chance to move on from their negative feelings. No one enjoys languishing in sadness, grief, or anger. The only way to truly cope with these emotions is to let them flow through you and eventually fade away.
Saying “get over it” also implies that someone’s struggle to manage their feelings is a sign of weakness. This notion is not just unkind; it’s entirely untrue. Emotions are valid, and feeling a certain way is not a flaw. When you suggest that someone should just brush off their feelings, you’re signaling that their emotions are unimportant, which is both hurtful and invalidating.
Moreover, a person who is told to “get over it” often feels unheard, as if their concerns are falling on deaf ears. If you truly listened to their worries—whether it’s grief, anger, or disappointment—you’d realize that they can’t simply move on. You’d likely respond with something more compassionate, like, “I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way” or “I wish things were different.” That shows you’re actually engaged with what they’re going through.
A brusque “get over it” feels cold, inadequate, and frankly rude, which is exactly how it sounds to the person on the receiving end. It communicates that their feelings are an inconvenience to you, which is a cruel sentiment. Nobody wants to feel like a burden; it diminishes their worth. It also shifts the focus back to you, making it seem like your own discomfort is more significant than their pain.
When someone is in distress, their feelings should take precedence—not the annoyance those feelings may cause you. It’s about empathy, not superiority. You can’t simply tell someone to “get over it” over a mental health crisis, the loss of a beloved pet, a rough day, or a divisive election. Such remarks minimize their experience, making them feel unheard and unvalued. Ultimately, telling someone to just “get over it” paints you as a thoughtless, uncaring individual.
So if you’re at a loss for what to say—which happens to the best of us—consider more supportive phrases. You could express sympathy or simply wish them better days ahead.
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Summary
: Telling someone to “get over it” is not only unhelpful but can also be hurtful, making the person feel dismissed and unheard. Emotions are complex and valid, and it’s essential to acknowledge them rather than belittle them. Instead of minimizing someone’s feelings, offer support and understanding.