When I was younger, I often questioned myself for not reveling in parties, feeling the need to escape events after just an hour, and actually being overjoyed when social plans got canceled at the last minute. Was I just shy, socially awkward, or a bit of a meanie? Nope! I was simply an introvert—someone who enjoys connecting but thrives in smaller, more intimate settings. Once I embraced my true self, life became significantly easier and way more enjoyable.
However, becoming a mom added a twist to the mix. As a full-time stay-at-home mom during my first child’s early years, I found myself craving companionship despite not being a social butterfly. The friendships I forged during those early days of motherhood are some of my most treasured, but navigating the world of mom friendships as an introvert came with its own set of challenges. After some trial and error, I discovered a few strategies for finding success in the realm of mom friends. Here’s what I picked up along the way:
Quality Over Quantity
You don’t need a whole crew of mom friends unless that’s your jam. Many introverts know their limits better than they realize, but society often pressures us to ignore our instincts. Some of us thrive with just one or two good friends, while others might want a few more—or even a large circle, as long as the interactions are one-on-one. And remember, once kids enter the scene, maintaining multiple deep relationships can be tough when you’re pouring your energy into parenting. That’s perfectly fine!
Playdate Overload Not Required
I once knew a mom who would schedule two or three playdates in a single day. I mean, really? After one playdate, I was wiped out—and so was my kid (turns out he’s an introvert too). Forget about daily playdates! I needed recovery time, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Choose Uplifting Friends
Once I had kids, I became choosier about who I let into my life. Motherhood can be riddled with doubts and stress, so I wanted to surround myself with people who uplifted me. I also needed friends who understood my occasional need for solitude without judgment.
Balancing Needs
It can be tricky when your kids are social butterflies but you prefer a quieter life. My children often wanted more playdates than I felt comfortable arranging. I knew they craved companionship, but I had to prioritize my own needs too. If they wanted four playdates in a week and I was up for just one, we’d compromise on two. Plus, I roped my partner into the mix. He happily took them to birthday parties or gatherings I was too drained for, giving me the precious alone time I needed to recharge.
Online Connections Matter
Some of my closest friendships have blossomed online. These friends share my interests, including parenting, and many are as dear to me as those I see in person. It’s easy to dismiss these connections as less valid, but they absolutely count. For introverts, online interactions can often feel more comfortable and accessible.
Remember, if you lean towards introversion, your friendships and socializing approach may differ from others. Don’t pressure yourself to keep up with anyone else’s pace, and don’t over-schedule your kids to the point of dread when glancing at your calendar. You define what motherhood looks like for you, including how social you want it to be. While we all need supportive allies on our parenting journey, the most important thing is to find friends who appreciate and accept you for who you are, not who they want you to be.
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In summary, being an introverted mom can present unique challenges in making friends. However, by prioritizing quality over quantity in relationships, respecting your own social limits, and embracing both online and offline connections, you can create a supportive network that suits your personality and parenting style.