I’ve never been a fan of the idea of “phases.” My son just turned 6, and let’s just say that age 5 was a real rollercoaster for us. I was naively hoping that once his birthday hit in September, some magical transformation would occur, and his Frustrating Fives would melt away. Spoiler alert: that didn’t happen. Despite all the nauseatingly optimistic clichés, there’s nothing truly magical about parenting — especially when birthdays roll around.
To my dismay, my son’s behavior didn’t drastically improve after he turned 6; in fact, it’s been quite the opposite. Oh boy, is he testing my patience lately.
I feel a bit guilty saying this (but not too guilty, since here we are), but kids can be downright irritating. Right now, my son is annoying AF. He’s always hyper, whining, throwing tantrums, and talking back. Seriously, it’s like he’s in a non-stop chatterbox competition, and he never seems satisfied, always wanting something more. It’s driving me completely bonkers!
While I’m not fond of the whole “phases” concept, I desperately wish this is just a phase. It has to be a phase, right?
Why I Dislike the Idea of Phases
So why do I dislike the idea of phases? For starters, there are just so many of them, like those trendy neighborhoods in New York City that real estate agents invent names for to make them sound more appealing (and pricier) when they’re really just the same old blocks. The term “phase” can be manipulated to fit any time your kid is acting up in a new and annoying way: the terrible twos, the threenage wasteland, the frustrating fours — each age comes with its own nickname, as if that somehow justifies the behavior.
“It’s normal at this age!”
“He’ll grow out of it!”
“Mine did the same thing.”
It’s easy to see why we cling to this idea. Even I do it, because it’s just easier to label my kid’s misbehavior as a phase than to face the harsh reality that maybe he’s being a little jerk and needs some guidance, discipline, and of course, good ol’ parenting. Nobody wants to believe their kid is a brat, and phases let us hide from that possibility.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“This too shall pass.”
“It’s always darkest before the dawn.”
“It’s just a phase.”
A phase is like a wish upon a star when you want to rationalize your kid’s exhausting behavior, so you don’t have to face the possibility that it might be your genes, your parenting, or even your child’s own personality at play. Sometimes it’s just typical childhood growing pains, but other times, it might be a reflection of deeper issues, and in those cases, just pouring another glass of wine won’t cut it. Because let’s be real, it isn’t always just a phase.
The real challenge is figuring out which is which.
Further Reading
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Summary
Parenting is tough, especially when your child is going through a particularly annoying phase. While we often hope these challenging behaviors are temporary, it’s essential to recognize whether they stem from typical childhood growth or deeper issues. Understanding how to navigate these moments is crucial for both your sanity and your child’s development.