Dear Young Grocery Scanner,
I see you overhearing my conversation with the mom in line ahead of me. You’re catching snippets about our kids, pre-K tuition, our advanced degrees, soccer practices, and gourmet meals. You notice me mentioning “my son’s father” and the glaring absence of a ring on my finger. You’re taking stock of my smartphone, my fresh makeup, and the sizable grocery haul I’m loading onto the conveyor belt. And then there’s that moment when I pull out my benefit card — the one boldly proclaiming “BENEFIT” in bright letters.
I can almost hear your thoughts echoing from when I was your age.
Look at this single mother. How can she be on the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program? How can she afford a smartphone yet still need SNAP? How can she appear so put together and still rely on assistance? How could she have a master’s degree and still require help? How could she send her child to a private school and still need SNAP? How is it possible that she allows her child to partake in after-school activities while still needing help? How could she boast about delicious meals and still use SNAP? And how can she walk with confidence, knowing she’s using assistance?
You’re flipping the card nervously and shifting your weight. I sense your discomfort because, deep down, you’re unsure of how to process this. So, you call the manager over and hand her my card like it’s something ghastly, whispering, “She has SNAP.”
As if needing help is a dirty word.
I smile and wait.
I don’t blame your youth, your lack of experience, or the judgmental attitudes often shaped by the media and politics. So, let me share a bit about myself. Yes, I’m a single mom. While it wasn’t my choice, I went through a healthy divorce from my ex-husband to improve our lives. I may look put together because I take pride in my appearance, review beauty products for fun, shop wisely, and believe in looking my best.
I earned my master’s degree through hard work, but remember, that piece of paper doesn’t guarantee a high-paying job. My smartphone is a vital tool for my job — a full-time role that I sometimes work late into the night to provide for my son. While the pay may not reflect my worth, I play an important role in a growing company that could lead me to start my own venture one day. Plus, my smartphone allows me to pursue continuing education wherever I am.
My son attends a private school because I make sacrifices. I’ve traded gym memberships, salon visits, and luxury items for his education. He can engage in extracurriculars because I offer my marketing skills to local businesses in exchange for opportunities for him to thrive in a supportive community.
And about all this food? I can whip up delicious breakfasts, lunches, and dinners because I meal prep, experiment with new recipes, freeze leftovers, and learn to make the most of what I have, all while keeping our meals healthy and enjoyable.
As for why I hold my head high? Because I’m doing my best. At the end of the day, my son looks at me with pride. I know this situation isn’t forever. I recognize the privilege of living in a country that offers assistance, and I’m honest about my needs. Just because my marriage didn’t last doesn’t define my worth.
And to the mom behind me, thank you for your patience and understanding as I checked out. Your kindness deserves recognition, and it’s people like you who make this journey a little easier for those of us navigating different paths.
So, to the teenager scanning my groceries, please know that I don’t need your pity or uninformed judgments. I hope you take the time to educate yourself about people like me who work hard and utilize assistance. If we had another option, we’d take it. But we’re going to get there. I will get there. And believe me, it will be sooner than you think.
Best,
A (Hard) Working Single Mom