At our place, we’re such massive Halloween enthusiasts that we could easily be mistaken for the real-life versions of characters you’d find in a sitcom — just a couple of regular folks who go all out every October for the sake of fun and a little neighborhood bragging rights. This makes us sort of experts on Halloween, which is why I feel compelled to advise other adults about the perils of handing out subpar treats to trick-or-treaters.
Not every household can afford to be the “big candy bar” house — and trust me, we aren’t either — but everyone can avoid becoming the laughingstock of their neighborhood by steering clear of these 13 dreadful Halloween treats that are equivalent to a stain on an otherwise pristine costume.
- Cow Tales
These look like twisted turds dusted with powder and taste only slightly better than a gym sock. - Butterscotch
Oh, butterscotch, you might as well come with a senior discount. If Grandma were trick-or-treating, you’d earn her approval, but not the kids’. - Fruit Snacks
This is Halloween, not snack time! Give the kids something special, not their daily dose of fruit. Organic or Halloween-shaped? Still a big no. - Good and Plenty
These are just Pepto-Bismol in candy form. If it resembles medicine, it’s best left on the shelf. - Jujubes
Just one word: gross. - Fast-Food Coupons
Sending kids away with homework? Seriously? Hand over a real treat instead of a chore. - Necco Wafers
No one wants to munch on colored chalk or glorified Tums. If it looks like a pill, keep it away from the candy bags. - Peanut Butter Kisses
Would you even eat these? Plus, they’re basically a death sentence for those with allergies. Halloween is about spooky fun, not real danger. - Pennies
Why make kids buy their own candy? Tossing pennies around would be better than handing these out. - Raisins
Let the kids have a night of indulgence for once! - Toothbrushes
Seriously, just don’t. - Tootsie Pops
You cheapster! You can get like 200 in a bag. Splurge a little for the good stuff! - Whoppers
No one wants sandy treats. Keep that gritty stuff for the beach, not Halloween bags.
As Maya Angelou once said, when you “know better, you do better.” While she may not have been talking about Halloween candy, the sentiment rings true. You want to be the house everyone raves about, so make smart choices this Halloween!
Happy haunting, folks!
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Summary
Ensure your Halloween treats are a hit by avoiding these 13 dreadful options. Instead of embarrassing yourself, make choices that will earn you the admiration of the neighborhood kids.