I vividly recall the days leading up to the arrival of my twins when I stumbled upon a Facebook article lamenting the unreasonable expectations placed on women to shed baby weight at lightning speed, all thanks to those insufferable celebrities who seem to emerge from the hospital looking smaller than ever. Seriously, who needs that kind of pressure? I remember snacking on handfuls of cheesy popcorn, thinking, “We shouldn’t have to rush back into our pre-baby clothes while we’re busy growing tiny humans, juggling sleep deprivation, and sporting remnants of baby spit-up. It’s absurd! We should be celebrated for our strength and resilience, no matter our size.”
Deep down, I believed I wouldn’t have to stress too much. Everyone assured me I’d just bounce back, right? Fast forward to now: my little ones are 7 months old, and here I am, curled up in the corner of my room, hugging my knees, whispering sweet nothings to myself like, “You is smart. You is kind. You will be okay,” while gazing at a pair of jeans crumpled on the floor—four sizes larger than I’ve ever dared to buy.
Spoiler alert: They didn’t fit. In a fit of frustration, I flung them across the room.
I had taken the plunge and bought a real pair of jeans, convinced that after a week of healthy eating and some exercise, I’d be ready to rock something not from the maternity section. Wrong again.
Now, here I am, serenading my old jeans with Lady Antebellum’s “Need You Now,” mourning the days when I didn’t have to rely on leggings pulled up to my bra to hide what’s happening around my midsection. #sexyandiknowit
On top of the mountain of lies I was fed, like “Kids will change your life for the better,” there was also the promise that breastfeeding would magically melt away the pounds. Seven months into breastfeeding, one might assume I’d be zipping up non-maternity jeans like a pro by now, right? Nope.
According to a quick Google search, breastfeeding burns 200 to 300 calories (or more) per session, which must be higher for me since I’m feeding two tiny humans. Want to know what happens when your body expends that much energy? You get ravenously hungry. And how much time do I have to whip up nutritious meals? None! If I had the time, I’d probably still opt for carbs—they soak up my tired tears way better than egg whites.
I understand my body has gone through something extraordinary and, frankly, traumatic, and it’s going to take time to recover. But some days, I just wish I could feel like my old self, even if just for a fleeting moment.
My hair is falling out, my nails are brittle, I can’t muster the energy to put on makeup or even shave my legs, and I’m tethered to a breast pump or a baby most of the time. I’m trying to navigate a ton of new challenges. While I’ve gotten used to chronic sleep deprivation, adapting to a larger body that still aches from surgery seven months ago is not on my list of fun things to do.
Why did I even attempt jeans, you ask? Inspiration struck when I read about a mom who ran a marathon while pushing her triplets and even set a world record. Really? People do that? If she can run a marathon with three kids in tow, surely I can squeeze into some decent pants.
Except, I can’t. Inspiration has fled; I’m just plain exhausted. But to be fair, that might be due to my current food coma from indulging in Ben & Jerry’s The Tonight Dough ice cream and cheeseburgers. Whatever. Real pants are for losers anyway.
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In summary, navigating motherhood comes with its own set of challenges, including body image struggles and sleep deprivation. While the journey may feel overwhelming at times, it’s important to remember that you are not alone in this experience.