What ever happened to showing empathy toward pregnant women? All over the internet and in comment sections of major publications, I see countless remarks telling women like me to zip it when we express our pregnancy woes. The reasons for this attitude are baffling, selfish, and downright rude. Honestly, I’m fed up with being told how I “should” feel about my experience.
Let’s be real—pregnancy isn’t always a glorious, glowing nine-month journey. Typically, it’s a ten-month trek filled with a laundry list of not-so-fun symptoms, some of which are just plain embarrassing and others that are genuinely painful. While we’re often expected to beam with joy (after all, we’re told we’re miracles in the making), there are moments when I just want to indulge in a tub of ice cream and let loose with a good old-fashioned rant, even if it means dealing with some regrettable indigestion afterward.
You might not see the discomfort I’m in or the anxiety I’m feeling before my next OB appointment. You probably don’t catch the worry that comes with wondering how many of my prenatal vitamins actually reach my growing baby when I’m tossing them up minutes after taking them. And let’s not forget the delightful rollercoaster between extreme constipation and equally extreme diarrhea. Oh, and did I mention the month-long yeast infection? Yeah, it’s all part of the package.
So when I express that I’m exhausted or that the smell of chicken makes me want to hurl, your response shouldn’t be something like “You knew what you were getting into!” or “Some women can’t get pregnant, so you shouldn’t complain!” and definitely not “You should feel #SoBlessed!”
In a world where we champion the idea that “it takes a village,” let’s make that village supportive and compassionate toward pregnant women.
Yes, I will vent. Yes, I might cry. Yes, I might lose my cool sometimes. And when I do, that’s not the time for you to judge or offer some preachy advice on how I should behave while pregnant.
Instead, here’s what would be truly wonderful:
- Ask me how I’m feeling. Not my partner, not my kids, and definitely not the dog—me.
- Listen actively and supportively without tossing around advice.
- Offer me cake. Or steak. Or pickles. Just go with my current craving.
- Share a funny story or joke (preferably after I’ve emptied my bladder, ahem).
- Take me out to lunch or offer to wash the dishes while I kick back.
- Check if I need anything—like pickles, or cake, or steak.
- Offer to give my feet a rub.
- Distract me by discussing things that excite me (like baby names—also, see No. 3 and No. 5).
- Repeat No. 2.
- And toss in No. 3 for good measure.
- Just be a kind, caring, decent human being.
Pregnancy—and parenting—is incredibly challenging. No one can truly grasp my unique experiences or feelings, as no two moms share the exact same journey. However, we can all agree that moms are pretty darn important, right? So let us vent, complain, and express our frustrations without guilt or shame.
To all the moms and moms-to-be out there, I see you, I feel your stress, and I understand your need to vent. Go ahead, indulge in whatever you’re craving, and put your feet up for a bit. You absolutely deserve it. And for those who think women like me should hush about our complaints, well, I hope you get hit with some pesky discomforts yourself.
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Summary:
Every expecting mother has the right to express her frustrations without being judged. Pregnancy can be a tough journey filled with discomfort and anxiety, and it’s essential for society to show compassion and support rather than scorn. Simple gestures of kindness can make a world of difference during this time.