When I had my three children in quick succession—three boys, all just two years apart—I quickly learned that parenting a middle child can be a balancing act. My eldest, Lucas, is now almost 7 and proudly reading chapter books aloud. Naturally, we boast about him, exclaiming, “Lucas is diving into Peter Pan!” He’s the star of our homeschooling sessions, tackling math, reading, science, and more with gusto.
Then there’s the baby, Noah. At nearly 3, he’s still very much the baby of the family—he’ll gladly inform you so himself! He sleeps with us, nurses to sleep, and revels in being carried around. When he cries, we instinctively assume it’s someone else’s doing. Even Lucas loves to scoop him up. Noah has that baby charm down to a science.
And then we have my middle child, my sweet, mischievous darling, Charlie. At 4 years old, he’s a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to reading and doesn’t quite know his letters yet. During our homeschooling sessions, he often slips through the cracks, as he’s not as attention-demanding as his brothers. To make sure he knows he’s just as loved, I’ve had to get a bit creative.
I indulge Charlie in one special area—just like I spoil Noah with all the cuddles. You can’t treat the older sibling the same way as the youngest, but you can carve out special moments. For Charlie, it’s all about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He’s absolutely obsessed! He could eat them for every meal and snack if I let him. So, when he asks, I happily oblige. While his brothers might get a fruit snack, Charlie gets his beloved sandwich.
I also make a concerted effort to connect physically. Kids thrive on touch, and while Lucas cuddles up to me during reading time and Noah is always in my arms, Charlie sometimes needs that extra attention. I make it a point to hug him more, ruffle his hair, or just pick him up to give him those moments of closeness he craves.
To keep him feeling included, I give Charlie tasks similar to what Lucas is doing. I’m usually engrossed in teaching Lucas, but I make sure to set up activities for Charlie too. Whether it’s using ABCMouse to help him with letters or providing art supplies for his creative projects, he gets the chance to engage in “school” and feel part of the action.
Sometimes, I treat him like a baby too. When he sees me coo over Noah, he often longs for that same affection. So, I’ll wrap him up on my back, let him snuggle in bed with us, or simply shower him with kisses. This nurturing reinforces that he is just as important.
We also have our special ritual—every day, Charlie helps me choose my outfit. It’s a small thing, but it gives him a sense of control and importance, knowing he has a say in something unique. It’s a delightful way for him to feel valued, and honestly, I find it quite amusing to see which outfits he picks!
When I consistently implement these little strategies, Charlie is less likely to throw tantrums, more affectionate, and far more patient with his brothers. He’s also less inclined to seek attention through mischief, which makes for a more harmonious household.
Middle children can often feel overlooked, but they have a way of ensuring they’re seen, one way or another.
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Summary:
Navigating the challenges of parenting a middle child requires intentionality and connection. By emphasizing special moments, physical affection, and inclusion in activities, parents can ensure their middle child feels just as loved and valued as their siblings.